My humble apologies!!!!!

I just realized I haven't published a blog since 6/8/2007, I humbly apologoze to all, particularly Lucy, Amber, Tropical, and Jezzy,....how freaking rude of me!!!!
It's my "high season" wherein every cell phone tone, every e-mail alert, and every freakin' bloody sound from my Blackberry is like having your wife break in to the motel room where you are having the most magnificent sex of your entire life with a (to be named later) member of the oppositite sex!!!!
"There is a leak in my unit". "The coackroaches are carrying the baby away!", etc.
Answers: "Ok, I'll get a plumber out there in ten minutes",...and "Sorry your baby is your problem,...but have a nice week at the unit!"
Do I sound,....ah let me see,...ah cynical?,...or perhaps "uncaring"?,.. or maybe tired as shit of your problems? .....DUH,... Yeah!!!
But I'm a professional,(at least that's what the State says!), so I'll deal with your problem!

But that's tomorrow, Monday,...not tonight, Sunday. Could I need a day off tomorrow,...absolutely! Will I take one? Shit NO! why? Because I am a professional, your vacation, your contribution to my account's owner so he can pay the bill to put up with you,...well that's paramount!

Next month my brothers and sisters, all four of them, are going to Ireland on a "tour". GOd I would love to go with them, but there are several "impediments".
#1 - I simply can't afford it. (Hurricane insurance was $5400 this year, not counting the $6,000 deductible!)
#2 - My bloody sister went over last year and she is the "planner" of this family trip. She is cheaper and tighter than the paper on the freaking' wall! I love her, but who gives a shit about saving money on a once in a life time opportuniy to go to Ireland and try and "find" your heritage? My requirements are very simple, A) enjoy the entore freakin' trip , B) at five P.M. we damn well better be in a local pub with Guinness or DEAD!, C) a constant reminder to the "out-laws" and "mutant blood relatives",.. that GOD Himself created Guinness with a little help from Arthur P. Guinness, to keep the Irish from conquering the entre world!
#3 - BECAUSE i AM GOING ON 63 YEARS OLD, THE OLDEST LIVING MEMEBER OF OUR FAMILY, THE MOST "ENAMOURED" WITH OUR IRISH HERITAGE, AND "FUCK IT" YOUR GODDAMN BIG BROTHER!!! In other words I'm not cooling my arse on a bus seat for ten hours a day looking at horny sheep and rock walls to end up at a local hotel for the evening! I have learned hoe to play a bodhran (Irish single goatskin drum, similar to a tamborine) am looking forward to going into a local pub and saying "Well shit, that looks pretty easy,...can I try?" and subsequently "wailing" out a tune and watching the jaws drop just to have "good craic" with the locals.
#4 - Because I've spent fifteen years trying to trace our families heritage to Ireland.

My grand parents, only two whom I've ever known,My Grandmother on my father's sode, and a "fleeting" remeberance of materanl grand mother who passed away when I was four years old, came to the States in the early 1900's. One Grandfather was a "teamster" (a "driver" for Haffenreffer Beer, delivering beer by horse and wagon in the 1920's), his wife a "dressmaker" or seamstress, both with the vision of a son who would be a priest in the Catholic Church and a daughter who would be a nurse. My Aunt became a nurse and was onr for over fifty years. My Dad(Thank the Lord Jesus!! Or I would not be here today!!) left the seminary and married my Mom! (Thanks Mom, more than you will ever know!)
My other grandfather was a "chauffeur" to an EXTREMELY wealthy family for over thirty year who dropped dead thirty days before I was born, and whose family was "vacated" from the three bedroom home they had and the three bedroom "cottage" they had on Cape Cod, Massachusetts, and were left with whatever they had (fortunately they bought a home "off " the estate. My maternal grandmother lived four years after her husband, or died when I was 4.
Sorry folks much too personal stuff!!
Any way time has run out and I have to check back into reality time. More later , (if you are interested)

Tommmy Irish, (Mr, Guinness)
-30-

To my dear friend Lucy,...here's why.

So why is this to Lucy? Easy, because she is insightful, has a real heart, and basically because we will never meet, so we can be totally honest with each other with no expectations.

Some people say money buys happiness, some say it buys comfort and "the extras",...well follow my tale of the world I live and work in and you decide,....what does money really buy?

Several years ago a greedy developer built a "luxury hotel facility" people flocked to buy in to it only to find out they only bough a three bedroom, three bath, "room", and the rest of the building, it's swimming pool over looking the Gulf of Mexico, it's elevated hot tub also poverlooking the azure waters of the Gulf, and the 165 yards of pure white sand beach were also licienced to about three hundred other folks. So what do you do? You hire a "top gun" attorney and you fight it!!!

Cut to several years later, you put the developer in bankruptcy, you bought his entire "hotel" compplex from him, and you have a luxurious 48 unit Condominium with a five story skylighted open Atrium, a pool overlooking the Gulf to kill for, 165 feet of private beach on the Gulf, a gated underground parking garage, and the peace and quiet of Nirvana as your weekend get-a-way!

But the guy your $1.7 million beat for this is as vindictive as a spurned lover, as "crazy" as a loon, and as cold and calculating as a serial killer on steroids!

Now "the Beach"! Ah there is a real conundrum. The deed to the property says it extends "southerly to the Gulf of Mexico, meanders westward to a point of XXXX, and then northerly to a point of XXXX" Is that the definition of a "private beach"? Some say so, others don't. But the Supreme Court of Florida will rule on that in August.

Now the "solid money" says ththe result will be the creation of a "public Beach" ring around the entire state of Florida, the rationale being that the American Indians were here hundreds of years before the white man and that they all went "to the beach" and lived together in peace and "recreated" together at the beach, i.e. therefore the precedant is that all beaches are "public" and can not be owned by individuals, Right or Wrong? I'm not going there! BUT IF that is true, the reality of the United States judical system is that there must be "fair compensation" given to those whose claim on the "Property" may be legitimate. Ergo if you can "claim:" you own the beach, and you can afford a "good" attorney,...well probability is you will get a 7 figure (American for MILLIONS of dollars) settlement for you "deed right".

Is that a perscription for a good "cat fight of the wealthy"? you bet your bippy!!

So signs go up indicating everything is a "PRIVATE PROPERTY - NO TRESPASSING", private "security companies" are hired to "patrol" the beaches and expel interlopers" and trespassers. Now the once calm beaches of happy families and couples become "war zones". Confrontations, "911" calls bring Sheriffs to arbitrate everyone's "Right to be Right", tempers flair, idiots who lack law degrees interpret the law, legal and "real" defenses are set in place.

I'm enstrusted to determine and mark the "mean high tide line" (Shit! I've failed Statisics 101 three times because statisitcs are simply "mental masturbation" any way you cut it! "Figures lie, and liars figure!" ) Where I stick the stake in the sand, becomes the "ground zero" of this battle!!

Mr. Guinness's solution to this "conundrum"? I go to the "private beach" tomorrow, set up a comfy chaise lounge, make sure there is enough ice for my cooler of "preferred malt beverages" and wait to see what happens, A day at the beach, a few cool "brewski's" and a new and higher level of respect for "going above and beyond" on my day off even!!

Whatever happens I will wind up being called as a "witness" , or "deposed" in a whole day waste of time thing. Do I get anything for this?....NO! Do I really care which way the decision goes?...No. So what the hell?

What we have proved is that age old "ditty",..."money talks,...bullshit walks!"
If you have enough money, enough "balls" to let the issue "percolate" to the forefront, and have enogh "friends" to support you,...well...my guesstimate is that you will prevail!!

I should have gone to Harvard Law School, I'd be sunning my sorry ass on the foredeck of my 50 foot Catamaran as we speak!!

-30-

"Hot time summer in the city,...back 'o my neck getting burned and gritty"

"...all around me people on the sidewalk...."
Yeah it's summer in Florida, the return of the indigenous "Southern Redneck" to the area once again. And it seems they are back with a vengence this year!
Some thoughts as they randomly pop into my head walking about or TRYING to drive on my roads;
"Shit,..one guys bathing suit could be made into at least ten of the female type worn by 12 year old Brittany wannabes!"
"At almost $3 a gallon for gasoline how does the asshole 17 year old afford to run the "monster truck" in the lane next to me with, judging by the sound and blood dripping from my ears, a stereo system which could create tsunami waves if turned up on a beach!"
"And I can't think of anything more disgusting than some teeny boppers Mom in the string bikini with a see-through mesh beach coverup coming into the restaurant for dinner together! You lost that 15 year old figure four kids ago! Try some personal pride and dress like the 40 something year old that you are!"
"Oh,.. and let's not forget the entire families on vacation. "please check your brains at the door, your Pastor is not here." Rather than tables in a number of cases troughs would be more appropriate!"
"Yup! The American Medical Association was 110% correct, the majority of Americans are obese. Shit they must "roll" some of those kids around."
"Ok, I'm an old fart, and the backwards ball caps drove me nuts, but now the cockeyed angles are even worse. I'm not sure if the retard wearing it is just stupid, auditioning for a part in the next drive by shooting in LA, or hasn't got a clue and thinks it's "kool"."
"Does any manufacturer of automobiles make anything smaller than a 'honkin'' SUV or Hummer look-a-like anymore?"
"What is the thing with Oysters? They are slimey, raw, carry at least two hundred different kinds of bacteria, some of which can REALLY make you a sick puppy, and are the eqivalent of eating giant boogers! Yet these folks slurp 'em down like nothing. In fact Busters has revived an old tee shirt the sold years ago it says "Shuck'em, Suck'em,...Bark like a dog!" (Duh! How lame is that?"
"A brand new beautification program on the entire three mile strech of highway including pedestrian crosswalks, strategically placed and calulated to the inch by highly paid traffic engineers, and with new flashing strobe alerts in the road itself carefully placed to hit the oncoming vehicle drivers right in the eye and get thier attention to watch for the crossing pedestrians. Three months they've been in , every day I drive the road, and not once (And I am serious!) have I seen a pedestrian even step into the crosswalk, or the flashing light go off (wonder what color they are?). After that much money spent just let us locals "bag a few" stupid folks who probably think a crosswalk is some new piece of art deco sidewalk art!!
It's time to go to work, (oops! take my high blood pressure medication first, lest I "pop" a vein just driving to my office today!)
Gotta get back in the habit of writing more often.
Sorry for the rant.

Big meeting this morning, the owner wants to discuss "contract fees" with us lowly "providers of service" (Roughly translated this is a meeting where he pisses and moans about losing money and how the rates are going to have to go up at least 25% so we better get our clients ready for the increase starting in September.) Guess the easiest way is the "client aerobics" approach. You get your entire Board of Directors together, run a particularly greuling meeting, then suggest we all need a little break and stretch period before going further. You ask them all to stand, turn around and bend over, then you quickly put the memo announcing the increase on the top of the agenda and make a motion to accept it!)

TTFN
-30-

Three day week end,...YEA, Memorial Day - Remember:

Remember all the men and women that gave thier lives in a lot of cases, for this country and YOU.
Remember all those who have gone before you, given up so much for you, and made it possible for you to even be here.
Remember that you have an obligation to everyone of them to make something of yourself, in some meaningful way, and to pass on to others as much as those before you.
Remember what the colors of the United States Flag mean, red for the blood we shed for freedom and equality, white for the hope for a better tomorrow for everyone, and blue for the resolve and strength to be true in every way to the goals and ideals of this country.

END of SOAP BOX!

Now for some fun,

One of the blogs I read regularly is called "Analyzing Jordan", and aside from her really powerful sense of independance and committment to things she has a really "soft side" and let's her feelings show from time to time, for that I thank her, it makes getting to know her so much easier, because real people are hard to find!
Anyhow I digress. Jordan did a five question challenge and I popped her an e-mail and said I'd try it, soooo she sent me five questions, and all I could say initially was "Gulp!", but after considerable reflection here we go: (p.s. If any of you want the challenge, different questions of course, but remember you have to answer them all , honestly, and in your blog then just e-mail me and I'll put five together for you. guinness@mchsi.com )

1. "If you could go back and re-do any one thing in your life, what would it be?"
BANG! Right between the eyes on the first question! Well after considerable wrestling with almost 63 years of "stuff" under the dam I guess I'd have to say it would have been to have completed College at the usual age, not twenty some odd years later than usual at 42 with a full blown family in place already. I missed out on my kids growing up because I was in school four nights a week, studying the other three and most of the weekend, and working a fulltime and a part time job, and otherwise deluding myself that it would allow me to make a better life for them.
Like Rocky said, "I cudda been a contender!" Fact really is most college educations at the usual age are totally wasted, BUT they do open doors other than blue collar labor, or white collar slavery, but alas, I'm me and at this point in my life I'm running 12 simoultaneous "businesses", directing 5 multi-million dollar law suites on behalf of my clients, still have my health and time for a pint of Guinness every day and time to be a friend,...a real friend. Would a 38 foot Sailboat, a summer place in the Rockies, a Ferrarri in the garage beside the Jaguar sedan for those days of "oh what the hell" be nice? Sure, but then me thinks I'd have to be "playing a role" instead of being just plain good ole me with a pint and shoulder for those who needed it and just want to talk.

2. What was the strangest thing that ever happened to you?
Hmmmmm! This one caused a lot of thought, like weeks worth, and even now I'm torn between three or four things, but I'll pick one,
I guess it was the first time I really ever acknowledged the presense of God in my life. Even now I remember it so vividly. I'm not a "holy roller" or a preachy kind of the severe "born again types", nor even a guy that spends a ton of time in church or for that matter praying. I'm sort of the reformed Catholic type. Sorry, getting away from topic :( But anyhow, when I was in the U.S.Navy back in the 60's, stationed on an Aircraft Carrier which was built in 1942 and survuved WWII, on an Admirals Staff I remember one evening I was up hanging around the Admirals Bridge. There were two bridges, one for the Captain of the Ship and a mirror image duplicate for the Admiral, they were one over the other with the Admirals being on a higher level. It really was more of a Gallery for the Admiral and the "brass" to hang out during the day and watch over the exercises and "ops" we ran, but they'd all bail out after six at night and then some of us, very few mind you, would just go hang out and watch the ocean. We were coming back across the North Atlantic Ocean in May, and trust me if you've seen the movie "The Perfect Storm" then that is absolutely positively exactly what the North Atlantic is like during the spring. Sitting on the Bridge watching the seven or eight story high bow of this bigger than a football field "airport" with almost 4,000 human beings on it plunge down into the ocean, seeing water come over the bow and the spray just slamming the windows of the Bridge which was at least nine stories high is a demonstration of true power! I got to thinking about the whole world 4/5's of it covered by water, the vulnerability of this behemoth ship just bobbing around like a cork, the beating of the hull with thousands, nay make that millions of gallons of sea water, the dark sky, the white caped waves towering above where I stood by twenty or thirty feet, the motion of the ship down into the trough, and back up the side. It must have been like being in a bucking bronco's head and watchiing the world go by at the rodae when the gate opened. But at a moment in that chaos, I just came to believe there is a God, and his power is omnipotent, but his passion and caring just keeps me in his hand and safe.

3. "You wrote a book about your life , what is the title?
No contest here, that's easy. It would be titled, "Learn, Love, Lead, ...and be humble!"
I don't see myself as deigned for the Mount Olympuses of business, careers, or being able to say "Google me, I'm out there." But to the contrary I see myself like a sponge, learning and trying every single thing on the Buffet of Life, I see myself being true and loving to a single woman, loving and being eternally proud and grateful for all the inner beauty of my (our) children. And in general being "All that you can be", as they used to say in the Army recruiting commercials for my community, my church and my friends. That means living my beliefs and leading by my example, and letting God figure out what I missed and letting me know. (If he wants too.)

4. "If you were told you had to leave the country in three days and never return, what would you do with that time?"
Wow, that's deep! I guess I'd be sure I had as many addresses and telephone numbers in my Blackberry as possible, spend some time in New York and San Francisco, and of course my native Boston. Catch a few Symphonies, eat like a pig at my ten most favorite restaurants, and be sure I had a really awesome souped up computer and lots of batteries,...then I'd probably spend some time figuring out where I'd like to go. In all probability it would boil down to three places, Ireland, England or Australia. Then I'd get a good nights rest before I went. I'm always up for an adventure and really hate to look back when there is so much of the world I've yet to see.

5. "If you could be a historical figure from American history...who would you choos, and why?"
Another killer question! Well I guess I would have liked to have been the noted Thomas Jefferson. The founders of this country were unbelievably awesome patriots, and in my humble opinion were so unselfish and forward thinking that what they wrote, and the framework of this nation has for survived for over 200 years. I think Jefferson in particular as the actual "wordsmith" of our Constitution and Declaration of Independance had the opportunity to think for everyone. Not just those in 1776, ar before, but for you, me and all of those to come after us. My only regret is that we have strayed from that type of selfless thinking and turned into a much more self centered, egotistical world where in actuality "It's all about ME!"
We are a great country, but are slowly being whittled down to just a "rich" country, not necessarily a caring, open, one. Sure the "Irish need not apply" signs were right alonside the "Colored need not apply" ones. But for all of that we are still growing and as long as we stay vigilant to the ideal that "everyone can be great, all they need is the ability to pursue life, liberty and freedom, free from oppression, free from threats, and open to the simple first line of the Declaration of Independance, that indeed, 'All men are created equal', we will prevail!"

Thanks Jordan, great thinking exercise, and a kick in the pants back what is important.

-30-

It's been a while, ...I apologize.

Yeah, the old blogging got away from me for a while. But I'm back.
I reached a bit of a "pressure point" where a lot of things began to close in on me at the same time. Sort of like trying to put ten pounds in a five pound box, ..you know, so something had to give while I resolved the rest, and my blog took the hit this time.
I still love the work I do (My wife says get a hobby as well as I tend to "stop by" the office on Saturday and Sunday for something or another.)But the "compensation package" needed adjustment so that occupied a great deal of what's left of my grey matter getting adjusted. I really was intent about it so I endeavored to cover all the bases at the same time. A) I secured another job, same field and all different company, for more money, but not the total I wanted (should say 'had to have' since my "hurricane" insurance premium went from $2400 to $5400 this year!). The new "job" being secured, I set about opening discussions with a VERY serious backer who has an open checkbook and is really bugging me to set up my own firm and he'll guarantee to underwrite it for a minimum of three years, no strings attached! "You say the word we'll open an office tomorrow morning." Then no "request for a raise" would be complete with out seriously dealing with your own current employer. (Did I say that by now I was reaching stress point Alpha? That's the place where three hours of solid sleep a night is all you get, eating is a non-essential part of your life, and one day runs into another and it's like the old cartoon of Mickey Mouse as the Socerer's Apprentice trying to empty the water and getting farther behind.)
The last thing I had to do was plead my case. Sooooo, I did what I do best, I sat down and wrote an entire case for myself, about eight full pages, single spaced, (yes and even spell-checked). I pointed out, in as non arrogant fashion as I personally could muster, that it had been a full year to the day since I took the position with the company, had not whinned about anything they threw at me, had performed at a peak level, and was now in the position of deciding whether I would re-new MY contract with them for another year. (It's a job dummy, not a personal contract for services!)
Well that's where I've drawn the "line in the sand"! It is a personal contract as far as I'm concerned. It finally dawned on me that the old joke I've told for years that the word "JOB" is an anacronym for JUST OVER BROKE, is really true. Does your employer REALLY want you to get a head, make lots of money, live a much more comfortable life, etc.,etc,? Hell NO, you might decide to change things and ask for more money or something. Well at 62 years young I said "what the hell, give it a shot, you got another job in your pocket, a backer for your own business, and it's only three more years to full Social Security Retirement and an extra $2,000 a month and unlimited earnings with no penalty or reduction from the Social Security. Shit I could always just bag groceries and live on peanut butter and crackers for three years if all hell breaks loose!
So I penned the final copy, told my firm I would "re-new my contract" for a 27% salary increase, a 100% re-imbursement of my "Crackberry" expenses monthly, and a full time Administrative Assisstant within three months at my new office. I dropped off the letter to my boss with a recommendation that immediate reading might be very appropriate as I was a serious person when it comes to this kind of thing.
Six days later I get an e-mail telling me that we will "schedule your review for a week from Friday". Not to be to "obnoxious" I stopped by her office and said "You know next Friday will be fine if you like, but I must remind you that will in fact be the end of the two week period since I've given you my letter , which by the way will also serve as my two week notice in the event we can't come to terms. I just noted that would be cutting herself very short, in fact leaving absolutely no time to transition my accounts to a new Manager,but...whatever day she wanted was fine, but also noting every second of discussion was an absolute waste of time, and falling on deaf ears if they were not at or above my terms for re-newal. Not a threat, just simply the facts, as I already had other offers in hand and that could be started without so much as a ripple on the pond.
The next morning I recieved a call wanting to know if we could move the time up to "tomorrow" instead of Friday. "Certainly, what time would you like?" was the reply. Anyway long story short the next day I'm sitting in her office and we start with the typical "Well I've been looking over the work you've done for the past year and I wanted to discuss a few shortfalls I've noticed with you."
"That's fine, but lets deal with the bottom line so we don't wste your time or mine."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm not here to discuss my work of the past year, unless it pertains to the work in the next year, which of course may be a totally moot point if my salary and other requirements are not met,..you do understand?"
" Um,...ah, yes, but.."
"Excuse me this time. Either you are going to meet my terms or not, and here is a compensation survey done nationally and by region for my position as a 'portfolio' manager of properties. As you can see on page three this firm, as well as most other local firms are approximately 47% below the regional average, and the national average. And this survey is only three days old. Part of what I have tried to give you is a very complete package, as up to date as possible, for all the prevailing factors to help you make your decision. So I guess the larger question that must be answered first is are you going to meet my requests to at least the minimum amounts I requested or not? If you are we can continue, if not then I will be leaving and going to my favorite Pub for a cold Guinness and to let my clients know that you will be contacting them shortly with notice of a new manager for them so please take me off thier "speed dial" as I will begin work Monday for a new firm, and my decision not to re-new my contract with you was for specific reasons which if they want I would be very happy to expand upon."
"Yes, yes, we are going to meet you request for everything, the 27% salary increase, the telephone costs, and the Assisstant in two months, OK?"
"That's wonderful, and I expect it to begin today, is that correct?"
"Yes, yes,(pulling form out of drawer) In fact I'll fill it out right now and take it over to payroll, is that satisfactory?"
"That's fine,I'll just go to get a bottle of water and be back and we can discuss whatever you'd like......

And so it went. Of course I told my key accounts what was happening in advance, personally told them to do absolutely nothing as the firm had to come to it's own conclusion as to my value to them. I told several of my associates who wished me well and told me to call them when I got settled at the new job as this firm would never pay that much, and reminder me of the $75 Christmas bonus, and several of them who had been told profitability was down and they were going to be unable to give any raises this year.
Long story short when I emerged from my bosses office after an hour it was 5p.m., but to the last man everyone was hanging out, peeking over thier cubicles as I opened the door.
"I'll see you guys tomorrow! Good night!"

Now I see a little light in the office, I've given them hope, put the firm on notice a bit, and brought in a whole new thought process. "You don't 'work' for anyone but yourself, and if you work hard you can make it happen for you too,...stand up and be your own boss for a change, not "just an employee".

-30-

Saturday, Geritol, sex, and life!!!!

Bizarre heading, you bet, bizarre writer!
I'm sitting here on a Saturday evening watching a history channel documentary on riveting iron together with 1940's film clips. Cool!!!
I've been out working all day, stopped at my boss's office yesterday and told her the dollars I put in my memo were NOT negociable and that I viewed my mempo as notice,...either a reminder if they meet my demands, or...goodbye that day of my review. I reminded her that if they could not meet my criteria as of next friday the 18th, it meant GOODBYE by 5pm that day. I indicated I would stillbe able to transition my accounts if she would be ghonest and the next week could be productive,...or not, her choice. She continues to hardline!!
Oh well, not my problem as I have all the paperwork filled out for the new comapny, have to go take a pee test (give me a break,...62 and a half and you think I may be on drugs!!!! DUH!! I'm 62 because I don't do drugs!!! Me and my liver have a threesome going with Aurthur P. Guinness, not Mary Jane "how you doing?".
Tried Mary J once ,...so whats the big deal? I'll take three legal pints of Guinness and be there a little later, but a little more legally!
Rambling now,...time to sign off. Analyzing Jordan sent me a question challenge and I'll try and answer that tomorrow.
Be cool!
Mr>G

"The die is cast!"

Trivia #1 : Who said "The die is cast" and what were the circumstances. (And no it was not me playing Monopoly!)

Oh well, off to newer and more exciting things. I guess I'll try and "talk through" my employment decision with you and see what you think.
On the one hand I really and truly love what I do. It is absolutely different and "stat" everyday, from the mundane of a broken sprinkler head, or some drunk kicking down the front door of a unit at 3:30 in the morning, to like yesterday at a meeting I had telling about twenty-five folks they spent about $2.0 million apiece on a gorgeous building two years old that needs at least $4.0 million worth of repairs to make it another six years, or it may very well just wash into the sea. (And when it was all over they thanked me for my research, strategy, and presentation and said, "do whatever you need to do to fix things and we'll cover it", God I love my job.)
It's what a friend of mine called "Irish Diplomacy" , the art of telling someone they are going to hell and leaving them looking forward to the trip!
Anyhow, It's "crunch time" again. I told the owner of the Company that just offered me a much better compensation package, a full time Administrative Assisstant, and 75% coverage for all my benefits on thier nichel, plus a workload of HALF the number of Associations I manage now! Should have taken the job,....damn it!

No I'm not dead, ....just incredibly busy.

The convolution of events is a really strange thing. I'm pressed for time but I'll try and do a quick one for you.
A. Next week, May 8th to be exact, marks my first full year with my present company. I've written a five page , single spaced review of the company for them. (#1 FACT, I work for myself and my family, NOT a company, ergo they need, and I oblige, to be "reviewed" each year as they do to me, to determine whether they are worth the continued delivery of my services, or not.
B. I've been approached by a man with big money (in fact by two different men!) who are willing to set up a company for me to run in the same business as the Company I am currently employed by. No strings, full access to a million dollars for start up and no return expectations for three years minimum and then a full return structured over five more years including thier total exit from the company and I recieve full ownership!
C. Yesterday while attending a symposium on Hurricane and insurance preparation and planning I get a phone call from another Company in the same business who wants to take me to lunch. (I met with these fols about five months ago and they indicated they would like me to entertain coming over to thier firm "down the road") Sure, I'l go,(beats the hotel's Purina Conference attendee food) So long stiry short they want me as well. My own big office, my own personal Administrative Assisstant, half the number of accounts I currently handle, more money and better benfits, bonuses for any accounts I bring or that follow me unsolicited to the new company, 90 review, and a full general managership when the guy above me (who is late 60's and looking medically not too good) retires. Plus full autonomy of operations!

Ok, friends, so be side a lot of analysis and soul searching this weekend, any suggestions? I'll expand on my thoughts tomorrow or Sunday afternoon. (I have an Annual meeting tomorrow that will take about 4 hours so it might be sunday.

Mr. Guinness

Confused? Here's the solution!

For those who jumped in and are totally confused you need this road map.
Start reading four blogs back at "The Phases of Life", then read forward, and in retrospect I really confused even me with the Phase Numbers and the Part numbers, but you'll get the drift.
No i'm not depressed (much), nor have I lost it, I just started one of my "stream of consciousness things" and just let it flow. Usually my once a week, and occasionally twice a week were fine but these four parts took on a different twist and all rolled out in about 24 hours.
Back for another spin at lif in a day or so, schedule is incrediblly full the next few days.
Mr. G.

Phase 5 - "Hot damn,...I'm still here! Are you awake honey?"

This one is a stretch for anyone who is not there yet. So it's perhaps more hopeful, or maybe the reverse, of what it really will be, but for you, dear readers, I will try.

Now back to today, Phase 5 - "Hot damn,...I'm still here! Are you awake Honey?"
Humor, inject more humor, life is fun!
It's like the guy who goes to the rest home to visit his Dad, who is 97 and asks the nurse how he's doing, and if there are any new "meds" (medicines) he's taking. She looks at the chart and says "Nothing but the Viagra his Doctor started him on last week. The guy immediatly goes nuts! "What? are you crazy, putting a 97 year old man on Viagra? His heart couldn't take it!"
The nurse smiles and says" You don't understand the Viagra works fine and keeps him from rolling over and falling out of bed and getting hurt, we give it to all the older men."

As I go through life I wonder more about this phase than any other. This is the phase that is internalized more than you'll ever know now. It's the Phase that is characterized by the questions. The ones you never want to ask, let alone know the answers to them.
For example, "Am I here by myself, and where is my "soul mate"? And after all these years can I do for myself any more or just become a burden on others? Where are those who should be visiting me, or do they expect me to buy a Harley and run over to thier place? What is there to eat, it all tastes the same now. And either there is something wrong with me and they are not telling me, or I'm just like a worn out tire and will just keep being til I finally just burst or go flat for the final time and I can't be patched anymore.

Is waking up every day really a whole day, sometimes it's in the middle of the night sometimes it's the middle of the afternoon, who knows anymore,...am I really happy I'm still here?

My "soulmate" is either gone or they won't tell me what's happening to her, I never see her anymore, I never get to hold her anymore, I never even get to touch her hand, or her face, or her hair. Where is she?

Was the sun out yesterday?

How long am I going to be here God?

Time for another nap,...................


Post Script:

Oh shit! Just had a dumb thought. Many of you who read this are probably much younger than I (62), except you Doug, but I won't tell. So when I get to Phase 6 of life the, "The End", how will you know, not that it will matter to me then. But I suppose somewhere in my little ego there are several cells vibrating and saying, "Gee, I hope they do know,...and I hope they at least cared."
So here's the drill. If I "Go" you will know because a month will go by without a single rant, rave, or other "blog". I will write a note for my wife, my kids, or whomever and tell them exactly how to open my computer, open my "blog", enter the proper code word and passwords, and then instruct them that they are to simply write a one line entry and hit "publish". Here is the entry I'll never see, and I hope you don't either, for another 40 years or so;

".....and so he goes."
-30-
Mr. Guinness

(Maybe you can spare a minute and reply, tell my wife, my kids, or whomever just write them "He loved you too,...and so it goes." Thank you.)

Phase 4 - "The Golden Years"

And as Frank Sinatra croons in the background,..."regrets,..I've had a few,..but then again too few to mention", we begin our journey called Phase 4.
"Stay in a small tight group, please campers, this is all new territory to me as well, and I don't want anyone lost in this place"

Now why do we call it the "Golden Years"? Easy 'cause if you ain't got the gold you ain't gonna see them years! (And I'm serious!)
Up 'til now, the Phase 2- Carefree, wonderful period provided the "Gatorade" to keep out spirits up, give us a boost through tough times, kick our ego's back up about ten notches and to give us the opportunity to try those things we did back then and tell everyone else (ooops! I mean "lie to everyone else") about what we had done in life. ("Man back at College we used to go through fifteen cases a beer a weekend, just me and my buddy! And talk about women,....they was like 'One a day multiple brand vitamins', oh yeah, I remember it all clear as a bell.")That was the fuel of Phase 3.
Now entering Phase-4, you get up , look in the mirror and can admit to yourself, that you are full of shit.(This begins about 60 years of life*) But just like a lot of "mutations" I talked about in the Phase I & II blog,... you are ok with it.
(*Note we have changed from "age" to "life" because now that's what it is, "A life examined")
From thirty to sixty, that is the real "ME" period. You have all you can do to take care of "ME" and the "ME's" you've come to call your "dearest and nearest". By 60, your parents are usually gone, (and to quote the great Kurt Vonnegat who died yesterday in New York)..and so it goes. Your kids are "grown" and somewhere in Phases 2 or 3, depending on how you and your "soul-mate" planned your lives,...and so it goes. You're "best friends from Phase 2 & 3, well,... some have died, some are on they're third, fourth or fifth marriage, and the ones you still know, they are,...well, just like you,...and so it goes.
Now you are in the real "what do I want out of life" era, and the answer is two-fold. First you want respect. Not the Hollywood Star respect, not the Secretary General of the U.N. respect, not the limo and chaueffer respect,...just the respect of being a human being who got to this point and has tried very hard to provide for thier parents, siblings, children, neighbors and friends, and above all your "soul mate". (Quick aside; "Soul Mates" are hard to find, hard to really lose despite the human propensity to be f***ing stupid and do f***ing stupid things to each other. I believe a "soul mate" is like life, you are only going to get one. It may take you a number of times to find them, but I believe in a God who will make it happen for you, you will find them,...but YOU have to recognize them!)
Now this period is when the human body wears out, or begins to. A guy you played golf with last year starts showing up at the pub in a wheel chair, if you go to church you begin to see folks you knew ten or fifteen years ago that gave you shit about going to church every Sunday, now they are there in the third pew every week,... and they pray hard. You stop for your daily "pint" and casually ask about a guy that you hadn't seen for the past month or so,.. "Oh he had a stroke,..he's in re-hab now. They say he's doing ok, you'd hardly notice how much he slurs and his right arm will come back to about 60% the doctor told his wife."
At first you'll get depressed because that could be you, and you know it! But then after six months to a year you get to be alright with that too,...and so it goes.
But your world is shrinking. Some are dying off, some are moving away to the "retirement" parts of the country, some are moving to the "retirement homes" of the country, and you are simply looking to survive. You don't care about the new "technology" any more. You haven't a clue what is new in the "music scene", you re-discover so many things of your Phase 1 - Growing up era,like playing cards, reading a book, and just plain talking with other people. You can sit and write a "blog" and be honest, because that's just who you are, how you feel, and what you believe,....and so it goes.
You are still tied to this earth by "the Gold" so it becomes much more important. Decisions have to be made by some as to whether to buy the perscription for the blood pressure, or enough food to eat until the week end. Some hunker down over thier "portfolios" every day to be sure they never have to make those kind of decisions, and yet others just "start a new life".

Starting a new life is easy at this age. It's almost like Popeye says "I am whats I am". It's too late to make many significant changes in your lot in life, the respect you wanted "back then" is non-existant, if you want to wallow in "pity parties" fine, so what the hell,...start a new life.
Go to work in some little job doing some little something, for some little pay. You get some BIG respect there. Go volunteer and help somebody else who can't. There ain't no bigger boost to self respect than that, and after all self respect is the most important kind.
While "old farts" cuddling up on the couch is replulsive to some I defy anyone to tell me, or anyone else, that "cuddling" is not the best medicine for anything, anytime, anywhere, at any age.
Kick back and explore the world, maybe you can't actually go to the far reaches of the world, but I'd trade the beauty of going there via a book, a film, or a travel-log at that age,... over a case of "Montezuma's revenge" in the mid sixties!
But then again, remember how a sun rise looked, or a sunset, or azure waters lapping on a snow white beach, or a little hummingbird just hanging in mid-air, or the gentle warmth of the sun in the late afternoon, and the gentle breeze on the porch in the evening. Of course you do, you now know thier importance in life, so see the sunrise, the sunset, the beach, the hummingbird, and feel the breeze. This is the YOU time of your life.
The "you time" is way different from the "me time" the you time is unselfish, honest and best when shared with that "Soul Mate", a son or daughter, or a grandchild, or just with a friend.
It is a period of transendental movement for you. You will transend yourself, your world, and your age. You will find that you have indeed found what man has sought for the ages.
You have found,... the meaning of life, and you have lived it.

Phase 5 - "Hot damn,...I'm still here. Are you awake Honey?" will be published on Wednesday and will conclude this "blog".
Back to being just a "blogger" later in the week.

-30-

The Phases of Life - Part II

Ok, for anyone who is not too depressed or who has not slashed thier wrists yet, or running down the street yelling "Not me! It ain't gonna happen to me!" from reading yesterday's Phases of Life Parts I & II here we go for today.
Oh, just as a very brief summary of parts I & II in case your scroll button quit working, it's simple. "Yes Virginia,...we do eat dessert first, (or do we?)"

Phase III - or the "You better get your shit together" period. This starts out in the 35 to 45 year period. The darling little angels you've spawned seem to want to exercise thier rights to Phase I of thier own life, the carefree, wonderful period. But you in your "been there, done that" style, (substitute the word "wisdom")try and save them from themselves, but guess what? They won't listen! Does that really come as a shock to you? It shouldn't. But I digress.
Soon you learn that adding sufficient antiacid tablets, (the damn food in this world is getting crazy, it must be the Jalepeno's and other foreign stuff) , Ibuprofhen for the aches, and the "new" regimen of an 81mg. "baby" asprin daily, added to your Phase I multi-vitamin, B-complex and 1500 mg. Vitamin C (time released of course) are just barely getting you through most days. But then either one of your "friends at work", or "the guy down the block" drops dead. You sluff it off. But your wife doesn't. All of a sudden you start noticing the menu at home changes a bit. "Honey, are we out of butter? How come this "canola spread" thing is here, and why did they cut back on the number of rolls in that little frozen tin thing?" Or it may seem like you need a Safari guide to find the red meat on your plate, or you begin to wonder why you are growing gills after what seems like fish every night for a year!
Then one night, after dinner, as you loosen your belt a notch, ("No I'm not getting fat, the damn leather is shrinking, the belt is ten years old, but it's my favorite!) Then you lean back in your recliner to see if both your socks are the same color. (Hey! It happens, it's dark in the morning. When you're getting dressed for work at 5a.m., because you have that damn report that has to be done today, you become acutely aware that turning on the light would most likely cause a sensation like a pillow hitting you in the side of the head and a sound, a sort of garbled angry mumbling from the creature of the black lagoon sort of sound, coming up from under the covers where you thought your loving wife, mother of your children, your beautiful idol of 20 or so years, your partner in everything, had leaned over from and sweetly kissed you good night last night!
Anyway as you try and convince yourself that it's just the light that makes one sock look blue, and the other black, your wife comes in and says something like, "You know our health insurance covers a physical every year for you and you haven't had one since we've been married." (We are now entering the "selective era"of Phase III, that's when wife begins to think hubby is going deaf, and hubby has mastered the focused concentrated stare of a the most skilled diamond cutter about to make the final cut, on whatever is blathering from the television) He grunts. (not being sure if it's a "yes" or a "no" grunt, wife continues) "You know you're not getting any younger" Now he's forced to reply, "Ok, so call and make me an appointment." (That takes care of that,...he thinks.) a week or so later he's getting instructions on getting blood work done before the appointment and things like a colonoscopy before the appointment, as he's getting toward fifty, oh and after the initial physical there will most likely be a "stress test" and electrocariogram. this is when the Phase 3 becomes full blown, and they try and kill you on a damn treadmill!
"Shit, what if I'm not ok?" "Shit, what if I am the next "guy at the office"!" And the panic mode sets in! You're lawyer gets space in your speed dial, as does your stock broker, your banker, and your insurance guy,...what was his name? You've got them all jumping like a chicken on a hot griddle and you haven't even got the blood drawn yet. That's why this phase is the "You better get your shit together" period.
Three months later,...you are going back to church, the beer in the fridge is of the "Light" variety, the produce drawer is also crammed full of every form of rabbit food on this earth, and you now seem to see the "cholesterol count" on the label before you even see what's in the can. But you are still a doubter,..."He's just putting me on that cholesterol pill to get more free lunches from the drug salesmen, and how can I have high blood pressure, shit I'm so laid back I can crawl under a snakes belly without even mussing my hair!!" (Good news women, at this point the male ego is pliable, he may be a doubter,...but he's not a gambler. He'll take whatever the doctor tells him to and mutter something like feeling like "a damn guinea pig". Smile inwardly as he still believes he is the first cousin of Superman!)
TV is now something that has become a reverse alarm clock. You turn it on, sit back and "poof" you are snoring (at least that's what she alleges!) But you are now comfortable that you and her are really "mates", she does Suduko stuff, you are trying to calculate in your head exactly how much you got coming when you retire (and it's still in the "if you retire" background as you look at the mortgage payment, the cost of health insurance, a new car now that is almost twice what you paid for your first house almost 30 years ago! Yup, retirement is looking like dim!)
(Guys, beware of the dreaded "Red Hat Society". It's a club kind of thing for women over fifty. I heard one interviewed last week and the host asked her what they did and she said "We shop and we eat lunch out together several days a week" I'm not lying that's what she said!! It's not too late to consider a pre-nuptial agreement is it?)
Oh and yes you are absolutely right. Don't throw out the old clothes they come back around every fifteen years or so, I don't care what SHE says!
Well What's his name married what's her name and there's a little kid who shows up three or four nights a month at the house, calls you Gramp Pa, that we have to "babysit for" while his folks (one of whom, the phase 2 man that supposedly is your son who is going bald, keeps calling you "Dad"!)
"Hey honey, screw it we could both be dead next week, let's take acruise this fall."
"But the savings we've worked so hard to accumulate,, we might need it to be more comfortable in retirement. You know you're 58 now, and 65 comes around quickly."
"Yeah,...I guess you're right. Then let's go out to that new Italian restaurant that just opened for dinner."
"Tom, you know that's going to aggravate your ulcer, all the acid in the tomato sauce, and all."
"Well how about the Chinese place then."
"Same thing, the MSG and the salt, plus a lot of that Chinese food is fried, and Lord only knows what kind of oil or fat they use,... not that they would tell you if you asked."
"Shit, I'm only 57, what the hell happens when I hit 60????"

That will be the next Installment. (Cue the announcer!)

"Will Tom see 60, the Phase 4 of Life - "The Golden Years". And then dear reader, there is Phase 5, that begins at 75 years of age. It's titled from the early morning wake up comment of former "Golden Year Graduates". It's called the "Hot Damn,... I'm still here, ..you awake Honey, period"

The phases of life!

Thus far a great day, in great measure because of my friend Jezzy and her blog. (See my sidebar for her link) Ok, it's waxing philosophically time here in "the Pit".
Jezzy, you touched a nerve, it's been where I am now that's been putting me in "blue funk" land, and a lot of the time I forget my own credo to "step back, smell the roses, and move up to a higher place in your mind and heart" life is a fleeting thing and he who takes it too seriously gets to the end and says "Is that it? Is That all there is?",....because they missed it as they lived it. I tend to be the most guilty about that, if the truth be known.
Before you finish my this blog, please go read Jezzy's, then come back.

Phase 1 - Carefree, wonderful fun, and unbridled enthusiasm. This is the 16th to 30th years of your life. (1 to 16 were just learning and accumulating "stuff", advise from friends and parents, advise from teachers, advice from coaches, and advise from "best friends".) Into the 15 years of the "carefree period" you begin to experiment with life, focus on anything within your line of sight, and particularly appearing in your mirror. You push to know exactly how many beers can I consume before I pass out (shit, I lost count and don't remeber,..sigh, ..guess I'll have to do it again!)My body just never fails me, by twenty three, or four, not a sign of a "beer belly", and still strong as an ox without a worry of having to "work out". And girls,....well they are out there like so many flowers waiting to be gathered up. Yeah we have to work, but that's only "because", because we need more money for beer, a faster sharper car, a "get-a-way" to the Islands to see what else is out there with my "buds" (mates in Australian talk I think). Now this phase is the foundations of our memories that will accompany us for the remaining years of our journey. It doesn't "end" like a race, it sort of "mutates" beginning around 25 and shuddering it's last breath at about thirty.
Mutation - a change from the original as required, dictated, or evolved in the journey of life

Phase 2 - I'm a responsible adult,..almost! This is where memories of carefree and wonderful become the padding in our lives to keep us moving forward despite reality beginning to intrude. Parenthood, better job, or uncontrolled urge to "go it on my own", the old "bod" not cooperating as well as it used to (three beers and 9p.m. is a must to be "bright eyed and bushy tailed" for tomorrow, and monday through friday "parties" are an absolute no-no.) So what's it going to take to make more and be able to get rid of the old futon and get a real bed, (maybe that's why my back aches!) or how about a little better wardrobe, like maybe more that a drawer full of tee shirts and four pair of jeans, and thoughts like "sure would be nice, I mean really nice to find a real "soul mate" and settle in a bit. I guess girls really are women now and are more muti-functional" that I thought before. Oh and I know I'm not the one with the "biological clock", but it might be nice some times to just hang out with my own kid, you know, throw a baseball, kick a soccer ball, go nutsy on some junk food. (sigh) gee I guess I am getting older.
(FLash forward a couple of years) "Honey, why's the baby crying again I changed his diapers this morning when I woke up and it's only noontime!" And then you sit down to be sure you have enough for you and your wife to take that weekend get-a-way when your sister comes to visit for a week,...."Honey, where did all the money go?" We seem to be paying a hospital full of Doctors all the time. My old dog Herbie never got this many shots and he turned out fine!"
"And how much does the baby eat anyway, the grocery bills have almost doubled"
"I guess we can skip the weekend away and just have the Johnson's over for a cook out, he can bring the beer."
Then phase 2 begins to wane beginning at about 40 or so. "Honey maybe we ought to think about joining a health club or something, you know? I just can't drop this extra ten pounds and my jeans are shrinking or something. Are you using a new laudry detergent or something?"
"Oh and Bob and Mac asked me to go play golf with them Saturday morning, you don't mind do you? I mean you are usually doing your shopping, and Little Bobby has that two day football camp thing this week end, and Laurie and her girl friends are all going to some party at the sorority so she'll be upstairs with the other two giggling and screeching all day with that "stuff" they call music blaring."

Phase 3 - .....

Got to wait til tomorrow for phase three (hint: been there done that, getting the tee shirt in a few more years) and my look ahead into (God I love Star Trek!) "Where no man has gone before." (Cue the orchestra, cue the Orchestra, quick)

Today's brain teaser who used to say "TTFN"? Winner gets a secret report on the final 2008 United States election results,...next week!

-30-

We are all going seriously mad!!

Get ready for what I call an "old fart post". It's just that the older I get the absolutely daffier this entire world gets!! Help! Where are the Martians when you really need them!
I'm going to number these things so I can get them all done. Obviously it's going to take more than a single "blog" to handle them. Secondly I'm asking for your help as well. I'm sure each and every one of you has things which really "trip your trigger" as well. Comment at the end of this and let me know you're "hot button" and we'll see if I agree or not.
(Oh! Great concept "Hot Buttons" maybe I can design something and we can award them to worthy poster as well as market them on the net!)

#1 - Ok I'm a Christian, a Roman Catholic in fact. My life beliefs include a "God" who does not advocate hurting other human beings. Now my Jewish friends have a "God" who according to thier Bible says basically if they hurt you you can hurt them! (The eye for an eye thing.)Now who the hell are these "whacko's" whose "God" tells them if they ain't with us,..."off 'em"? Now I'm not saying all Muslims are bad, as neither are all anybody else "bad", but what I am saying is simply that it's time to "saddle up" and go find these clowns and do WHATEVER IT TAKES" to rid them from breathing the air of intelligent people. Bigot you say,...NAY says I. I'd blow them away as soon as I'd blow away a whacko Jew, or a whacko Christian! They are not Muslims, Jews, or Christians at all. They are the evangelical branch of the Fundamentally Whacko Church!
Now Hitler made no provision for "good" or "bad" amongst the Jews and Gypsies and non-heterosexuals of the world,...hence he was a certifiable WHACKO. And these dudes are as well. Take off the gloves and let's just do it! Shoot them in the street and leave them to bleed to death, torture and humiliate them where ever and when ever you find them,...anyone with a problem with that? Oh, but what about the innocent ones, I hear form the back of the room. If you're innocent stand up and be counted, rat out a bad guy, show us, (the rest of the world) how really civilized you want to be. Don't say your prayers five times a day and then go home and stash some C4 for your neighbor. Shove it up his ass and air condition his colon for him!!
I keep going back to Winston Churchill who once said "there are only two countries in the Middle East, Egypt and Isreal, ...the rest are all tribes."
Let's just call the old "biggie" in Pakistan and give him two weeks to turn over the local "Whackos" and prove he gave us all of them, or we'll just come in and get them ourselves. How do we tell? Easy We give all the guys a sixpack of Bud, a Playboy magazine, and see who says "No", they are gone! Let's pack Gitmo up to the roof until the whole damn nation of Cuba sinks into the ocean. (Bye Fidel we let you lolly gag around about six decades too long anyway!
Then the whacko Iranians!

Woo! Woo! Woo!

Damn, I guess I didn't fry as many brain cells as I thought. I finished another greuling meeting this morning (saturday no less) with Engineers, Attorneys, one of my entire Board of Directors, and little ol' me and that went very well. Five months of work building to the creation of a very well deserved lawsuit for $4 Million plus with me basically designing, and executing most of the strategy and plans and after an hour and a half with the Board (neat aside this is the very first time I've laid eyes on two thirds of the Board of Directors!)and they pulled the trigger. All the ducks are in a row, all the "i"'s are dotted, the "t"'s crossed, and we are good to go. I'm looking for at least a $5,000 "Consulting Bonus" on this one. But that was good.
Went out to my office made some notes, checked my mail and all, and heaaded home to relax a bit.
In the mail was this big manila envelope from the Professional Accreditation Group and I wondered what was in that, so I popped it open expecting advertising, but no.....it was my exam results for the correspondance coursse I just completed the test for the 23rd of March! An 88%, I passed!!!! Wooo! Woooo!
So now I've completed enough credits to take the last exam I need to become nationally certified and increase my earning potential by about $10,000 immediately, AND once I pass that test I earn another professional Designation as well from the Accrediting group. Kind of like you Bachelors and Master's in one fell swoop. I have the necessary four years "experiance" required as well.
This leaves me two more courses before I can apply for "The case Study" a one month super grueling "Mission Impossible" sort of Doctorate in this field of Community Association Management. When you apply they give you a couple of choices of places to go, you pick where you want to go, they give you the name of an Association in that area who has agreed to "host " you, and you have 30 days to go in there analyze the entire Association, overhaul it from top to bottom (on paper) create the manuals, policies, rules, necessary document changes, etc. and have to turn in your "thesis" by the 30th day. It is then gone over by a Board of Professionals who are compertely familiar with the property, and you have to defend your "Report" and every comma or paragraph in it until they are satisfied. There is no "re-take" , no "corrections" etc. It's a pass/fail deal and all on your nichel, the travel, the 30 days expenses, everything! You pass you join the ranks of a mere 1600 human beings in this country, you fail,....back to the drawing board and try it all over agoan, if you can afford it!
I think I'll just relax on my laurels for a couple of years before I try that burrito! Having the equivalent of the "Masters" is enough right now, so I'll just concentrate on getting more "wisdom" and starting my own Company. (How else am I going to be able to take a whole month off to do this thing??
Right now it's time for a celebratory couple of pints if Vitamin "G" (Guinness for you non-vitamin lovers :)
-30-

My "Get up and go" done got up and went!

Got plenty of rest this weekend, got plenty of food, minimized "alcholic libations" (to a degree), went to church, so I should be ready to go back to work today,.....but I'm not.
Maybe I'm enjoying the peace and quiet at the new office too much, or then again maybe I just need more "down time". Who knows, certainly not me. I've got a big conference call this afternoon at 4 p.m. otherwisw I'd wrap it up earlier than usual today and chill out at the Pub. But got to take the phone call!
It all started when I sat down to do budget planning for myself. (It's a well thought out exercise I've been doing for years just before my employment anniversary date.) It's done with the "raise" in mind. Sort of my "personal philosophy of adequate compensation"
I started it years ago when I had my own companies, and it's pretty simple. If you've ever tried to get a job, or change jobs, or otherwise looked to improve your "lot" in life there are multiple factors at play. Everyone of them can be good, or bad for you in both the long and short runs. For example, you really want the job, you are all "gung-ho" about it as a career builder, etc.etc.,...but several months later while you are trying to figure out how to make your paycheck get you a point you can even think about buying meat again it strikes you,..."I'm slowly starving to death at this job!". Or maybe as you are sitting having your evening meal at about 9:30 pm it dawns on you you haven't seen the sun either rise or set in weeks! You're into the office, or whatever, before it comes up, you don't get done 'til after it's set, and you feel totally buried in work.
So why do you do it? Answer is usually a lame one like "Well, what else am I going to do?"
Get off your arse and smell the roses. You are no better than a chunk of meat hanging in the Butchers window. You are worth what the market will bear, or whatever you can be had for. That's the plain and the simple of it.
I've always thought this bullshit is almost a self filling phrophecy. For example, how bloody hard are you going to be ABLE to work when you don't make enough to pay all your bills? Or when you are basically rationing a bottle of peanut butter and a loaf of bread and hoping you make it to payday, or that someone says, "come on, I'll buy"? So what can be done? Exactly what I started practicing years ago.
I never, ever quibble about what an employer offers to pay me,...EVER! I nevere go around the office or whatever whining about making ends meet,...EVER. I tackle every task and project like Hercules on steroids, ....an d never approach the boss for a raise,...EVER! Why because I'm not stupid. I know I'm learning valuable insights as to the business, valuable experiance in handling clients, valuable connections and a reputation in or at whatever it is I am doing. Soooo, who do you hurt if you, my boss or employer, fail to take care of me properly? Why you silly, and your business, because I gave you the opportunity to have me, I gave you the opportunity to watch my work, my reliability, my "output", my ability to work with every range of person on this earth, and you gained HUGE insights as to who I am.
And the bottom line is simply this. If your almighty dollar in your pocket means that much to you, if that little voice in the evil part of your mind says "you got him he's not going anywhere and you can flip him crumbs and he'll be grateful" If this is how you think, you absolutely will lose with me, becasue I'll drop you like a hot rock at a time and choosing of my own, and usually when you least expect it!
When I hired people for my own companies that I owned they would always ask "How much do you pay?" and my answer was always "How much do you want?". While they mulled that over and were wondeering if I was a whacko, or it was a "trick question" and if they answered too high I would just brush them off, I'd proceed to tell them this.

"I'll pay you whatever you want me to pay you within reason, that's fair. So if you want $800 a week, that's what I'll pay you, because that's what you are telling me you are worth, and I'd be stupid not to hire some one that good over a petty thing like salary. BUT I also know what you should be sharing with me for the $800 I'm going to give you. Again the bottom line is sort of a variation on the golden rule, If you tell me you want "X", and I know what I expect you to deliver for that "X" then as long as we both live up to our end of the bargiain all is fair and equal. You can't be pissed at me for "under-paying", and I can't be pissed for you "under-performing". All we have is a simple equation of relative values for both of us to be happy!
Now in the event that you are indeed not deliverying enough to justify what you asked for, PLEASE fully understand that difference must dictate how long I can reasonably be expected to hold up my end of the bargain and deliver you the weekly check,right? If you are delivering $750, or $785 in business I can be alittle more patient than if you are only delivering $300, or $400, or even $500 in business. So all I ask is that you too think like I have to as a businessman and THEN tell me what you want to make. Remember YOU KNOW what you got, and I'm willing to put my money square on your promise to me that you will indeed deliver. But the wider the difference in our joint agreement for your pay versus your work the less time I can keep you here taking money away from my own family. Now is that so hard to understand?
Surprise, folks thought a little harder, and some just flat out knew they were not prepared to work that hard and simply thanked me for my time and left. That's how life should be, a fair days work for a fair days pay, AND a fair days pay for a fair days work.
Think about it. Where are you on the "fair scale",...anmd how about your company?
-30-

I think I killed the golden goose!!

That's what happens when you don't follow the directions that say "you should back up your template in case you make erros in the new one first"
So I did not, so I said "shit how hard can it be?"
Hopefullly I can summon up enough grey matter to figure this shit out again. (At my age we are into a "set it then forget it" mode. Life is getting too short to try and remember everything!

Stupid people, in stupid times

Welcome to spring break in Florida! Yesterday we had two drownings, earlier this week some shit-faced kid fell off a three story roof (don't even ask why he was up there!)he did't get hurt because he was so freaking drunk! Proves the old adage "God takes care of drunks and sinners" (maybe I should think about that a little more and stop being a good guy. Naw...then my stupid conscience would just nag the shit out of me, I'd stress big time, get sick and have a heart attack, ....then what?)
It's a Saturday morning and sunny, warm and beautiful, in the mid 70's, so how does my day off start? "ring", "ring", "Hello it's me"(I know who I am, but do you?) Yeah it's me, (the maintainance guy at one of my more prestigious properties) So here's the conversation:
HIM: "ah,..I,..um found some stuff in the hot tub"
ME: " so you thought you'd call me on Saturday morning at 8 am to tell me?"
HIM: "Well...I think there were some improprieties going on here last night,...you know?"
ME: "Like what?"
HIM: "Well,...there was a pair of panties and a used condum in the hot tub."
ME: "Well,...I guess that's a pretty good clue. So why are you calling me?"
HIM: "I guess we'll have to start a security patrol next week."
ME: " Now that's another good thought."
HIM: "Yeah.So what do you want me to do about this "stuff"?"
ME: "So get it out of the hot tub, trash it, drain the hot tub, sanitize it, and refill it."
HIM: "Oh, ok I'll get started on it next."
ME: "No wait a minute, why don't we just leave it where it is, call the newspaper and get them to do a story on it. And don't forget to tell every guest and owner about it, not to mention thier kids."
HIM: (loooong silence) "really?"
ME: (sigh) No not really, just clean it all up and don't go blabbing it all over the place. I was only chidding.....You do understand that, right?"
HIM: "oh sure, I knew that. But do you want me to tell anyone else about it?"
ME: "NO!! Just clean it up and go about your business. Have a good day."

And thus begins my "day off".
Know anyone wanting to be a "Courtesy Patrol" agent for my property. Perverts not allowed.
Well, I'm going to have some coffee and watch the sun rise a little higher in the skys.
Be well.
-30-

Paddy's Day and still alive!

Bit of a silly title, but there you have it. As a second generation Irish American, and proud of my families heritage, I guess I'm expected to kill large quantities of brain cells on March 17th! DUH! That's amateur night, I let the Scots, the French, the Polish, and the Russians all do that. I go home early, sit back have a few pints and get up feeling fine the next day! (Boring, but you know every cop within a thousand miles is looking to bag Paddy's Day revelers!)
So this morning I'm into severee "crunch mode" a/k/a "cram time". I've got to take this test on this course I've been taking this week and it's the last step in becoming the "professional" in my trade. The last step before putting my own Company together and starting back into the almost better than sex thrill of owning your own business. (No I'm not crazy, you have not lived until you've owned your own business now that is the biggest rush there is aside from the aformentioned sex thing!)
I'll try and describe it for you. First there is no "boss" but you, so the rules, the policy, the system, the entire enchilada is yours. Don't like the hours, just change them!, Don't like the dress code,...change it! Want to make more money than ever before,...go get it! Want a wee wet bar in your office,....feel free! Imagine if it really was "all about you"!
Now don't go running out to open an office just yet,...then there is the other side of it. What do you mean there were no checks in the mail today? (Oops, guess I gotta go out and do something to earn it!) And the nerve of the newly hired Administrative Assisstant asking where her first paycheck was! Guess she didn't know that if the mailbox has no checks we have no payroll,...silly twit, she just needs to have faith. They'll be beating the door down any day now. Maybe in the meantime I'll "squeeze in" a round of golf, my schedule seems pretty open this week.
Now dear reader I presume you're getting the picture. I credit you all with great intelligence on this scenario.
Truth is you work harder than you've ever worked, you work longer than you've ever worked before ("Honey, can you swing by the office and drop me a clean shirt,....and I promise I'll be home before midnight, I promise, I just have a few finishing touches to put on this proposal and have it in the mail dated today.")
Regular meals means you know what time MacDonald's and Burger King both open and close, and peanut butter and crackers are one of the four food groups. (The other three are coffee, bagels, and hot dogs!) But the riush is incredible. The human body and it's bucket full of brain cells is an absolutely marvelous machine. It can flex in almost circles, it can function more continuous hours than in a day on a quick "nap", hunger? What's that, only another six or eight pages then I'll think about eating. Your own business is the world's best diet, I guarantee you will be losing weight big time if you are paying attention to business and making sure that mailbox fills up with checks from your clients and customers so you can feel the rush of signing your first paycheck to an employee. And what about the thrill of just "casually" passing out YOUR busness card with the word "President" orr "Owner" under your name. God life is good.
You will sleep the sleep of the dead, you will not remeber laying your head on the pillow because you closed your eyes first, and that was what seems like only three minutes ago and the alarm is just about to go off in another three more minutes!
Granted owning your own business is wonderful, for some. It can be hell for others, but the bottom line boils it down to only a couple of questions. Here is your test:
1. Where would you draw the line at giving up your time, your social life, and your belief in yourself to succeed?
2. Do you REALLY believe in whatever the business you want to start, and do you have a single doubt that it may not make it?
3. Do you really mind leaving for the two day vacation on Wednesday and being back at the desk on friday?
4. Can you commit to "give up" everything you have to follow a dream,...your dream, whatever it is?

Me I love it, sure some fail, some succeed, some make money and spin it off to you and others suck it in like a giant vacuum cleaner. But at the end of the "journey of life" I can honestly say, "been there, done that, got the tee shirt" There will never be a nagging doubt in the back of my mind that surfaces sometimes and says, "Gee I wonder where I'd be if I had followed that dream or idea I had "back then" !"
Like Mr. Spock used to say, "Live long and prosper"
-30-