To my dear friend Lucy,...here's why.

So why is this to Lucy? Easy, because she is insightful, has a real heart, and basically because we will never meet, so we can be totally honest with each other with no expectations.

Some people say money buys happiness, some say it buys comfort and "the extras",...well follow my tale of the world I live and work in and you decide,....what does money really buy?

Several years ago a greedy developer built a "luxury hotel facility" people flocked to buy in to it only to find out they only bough a three bedroom, three bath, "room", and the rest of the building, it's swimming pool over looking the Gulf of Mexico, it's elevated hot tub also poverlooking the azure waters of the Gulf, and the 165 yards of pure white sand beach were also licienced to about three hundred other folks. So what do you do? You hire a "top gun" attorney and you fight it!!!

Cut to several years later, you put the developer in bankruptcy, you bought his entire "hotel" compplex from him, and you have a luxurious 48 unit Condominium with a five story skylighted open Atrium, a pool overlooking the Gulf to kill for, 165 feet of private beach on the Gulf, a gated underground parking garage, and the peace and quiet of Nirvana as your weekend get-a-way!

But the guy your $1.7 million beat for this is as vindictive as a spurned lover, as "crazy" as a loon, and as cold and calculating as a serial killer on steroids!

Now "the Beach"! Ah there is a real conundrum. The deed to the property says it extends "southerly to the Gulf of Mexico, meanders westward to a point of XXXX, and then northerly to a point of XXXX" Is that the definition of a "private beach"? Some say so, others don't. But the Supreme Court of Florida will rule on that in August.

Now the "solid money" says ththe result will be the creation of a "public Beach" ring around the entire state of Florida, the rationale being that the American Indians were here hundreds of years before the white man and that they all went "to the beach" and lived together in peace and "recreated" together at the beach, i.e. therefore the precedant is that all beaches are "public" and can not be owned by individuals, Right or Wrong? I'm not going there! BUT IF that is true, the reality of the United States judical system is that there must be "fair compensation" given to those whose claim on the "Property" may be legitimate. Ergo if you can "claim:" you own the beach, and you can afford a "good" attorney,...well probability is you will get a 7 figure (American for MILLIONS of dollars) settlement for you "deed right".

Is that a perscription for a good "cat fight of the wealthy"? you bet your bippy!!

So signs go up indicating everything is a "PRIVATE PROPERTY - NO TRESPASSING", private "security companies" are hired to "patrol" the beaches and expel interlopers" and trespassers. Now the once calm beaches of happy families and couples become "war zones". Confrontations, "911" calls bring Sheriffs to arbitrate everyone's "Right to be Right", tempers flair, idiots who lack law degrees interpret the law, legal and "real" defenses are set in place.

I'm enstrusted to determine and mark the "mean high tide line" (Shit! I've failed Statisics 101 three times because statisitcs are simply "mental masturbation" any way you cut it! "Figures lie, and liars figure!" ) Where I stick the stake in the sand, becomes the "ground zero" of this battle!!

Mr. Guinness's solution to this "conundrum"? I go to the "private beach" tomorrow, set up a comfy chaise lounge, make sure there is enough ice for my cooler of "preferred malt beverages" and wait to see what happens, A day at the beach, a few cool "brewski's" and a new and higher level of respect for "going above and beyond" on my day off even!!

Whatever happens I will wind up being called as a "witness" , or "deposed" in a whole day waste of time thing. Do I get anything for this?....NO! Do I really care which way the decision goes?...No. So what the hell?

What we have proved is that age old "ditty",..."money talks,...bullshit walks!"
If you have enough money, enough "balls" to let the issue "percolate" to the forefront, and have enogh "friends" to support you,...well...my guesstimate is that you will prevail!!

I should have gone to Harvard Law School, I'd be sunning my sorry ass on the foredeck of my 50 foot Catamaran as we speak!!

-30-