Sunday, December 31, 2006

"I mean, I'm like, ya know, so over it, like!"

Hopefully the death of the "Valley Girl Syndrome" will like be announced like, ya know, like soon!
There are still people who talk like that! Who da thunk it? I'm so glad my parents wasted money to send me to an all boys Catholic High School in a large metropolitain area (a/k/a Boston Massachusetts). In retrospect it was a form of "boot camp", not as physical as Paris Island, but not as limp as "Navy Reserve Boot Camp". ("I can speak Igor, and walk, and talk, and even more amazing I can do all of that at the same time and be comprehended by other humanoids! Eureka!! The experiment was a success.")

On to 2007 and things I'd like to do. First of all write a book on blogging. Not one of those really dry technical "Blogging for Dummies" things, but one that was broken down into chapters, or maybe better yet that started out with a fifty question format, and then you self scored the answers and flipped to a section of the book corresponding to your total score that gives you a list of "Bloggers you would love to read"
And then maybe cross reference your answers to a style of blog. (A lot of people I know can not figure out what a blog really is about. Some have told me it's for dummies that just like to bitch about everything, others have likened it to the opening of "the soul of a poet", (Yuck!!!), while still others, (remember I'm living near the center of the Red Neck Republic), say it's a "bunch o' shit". Oh well Ive got to go, be back to finish this later.

But to all who read my blog, a Great year is ahead for all of you, not only do I know it, but I believe it. 2006 could not have been shittier!
Let's look at the three phases of life, family, work, and self. That's the order they usually come in from my observations. You are born, formed and nurtured by family, OR NOT, then move to the work segment. It starts with school, (no you don't get paid like a "work" thing, but it is, )then comes the real "work thing". How many folks you know get bogged down in that level and never make it to the next level? That's all they do, that is the pinnicle of thier being. Sure they get married, some even spare time for kids, but if you sit back and "scope it all out" that's where thier life ends, ...work!
The next stage is self, that's not a bad thing, it's a path we all really need to take to see who we really are, what is really important to us, and more importantly who is most important to us. This my friends is the real journey of life. If you make it successfully through this phase you go back and keep repeating the phases, but you know what?
Each phase becomes more fun, more dear to you, and the wisdom of the ages just sort of flows through you as you keep winding up back at the self and wonderously see what your heart knows you need to do with family and work on your next go around, then back again and even more of life, love and the world open up to you,... and you feel even more human. It's a constantly moving cycle, a merry-go-round, and we all ride. It's what you make of the merry-go-round that makes you who you are,....and we can all use improvement.
I look forward to more riding in the '07's, more love to share, more care to lend out to anyone needing it, and each time I "die to myself" as one wizened philosopher once put it, I find I renew myself even more. More happy, more understanding, more non-judgmental, and more accepting of all there is around me. Why?
Because I'm finally beginning to really feel I might have an inkling as to what this whole "life thing" is about!
-30-

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

"And you're problem is?"

I am completely and absolutely convinced there is absolutely NOT a life guard on the gene pool! And you know what? I really don't give a shit!
It's like Cliffy Claven's explanation to Normy from the old "Cheers" TV program. It goes something like this;
"You know the law of the fittest governs everything Normy, for example the slowest and sickest of the Buffalo herd are at the back of the herd, and lions can pick them off easy, but it makes the herd stronger because the weak ones are gone, ya know? Then there's the other animals, the sicker and slower always get caught and killed, and eaten, all because they are inferior. The Strongest always survive, that's the law of nature, that's why I drink a lot of beer ya' know? Think about it,...if what they say about drinking killing brain cells, well, it's got to be killing the weakest and poorest brain cells because they are the slowest and least desireable ones, ... therefore what's left is stronger and much more fit to deal with the world,...ya' know?"
And there you have it! Wisdom of the generations spoken by a true "enlightened one". So what about the otherrs that are at the end of our "herd", why are they still around?
And think about it,...maybe God does have a big sense of humor!

-30-

Monday, December 25, 2006

"Papa's got a brand new bag!"

And so it is, as the king of soul, James Brown, passes from this earth this Christmas day. What can I say, even Keith Richards noted that the worst thing the Stones ever had to do was follow Mr. Brown at a concert in the 60's. He will definately be a hard act to follow in any millenium.
And so Christmas 2006 draws to a close, I've been playing with my new "techy toys" since we got home from Church this morning. We bought each of our children and our granddaughter one of those web cam thingies so we could all conference in together through Skype and see each other and chat. After six hours only number one son and I have figured it out. We called each other, plugged in and then both of us were pushing buttons and drop down menues and changing preferences on the fly. After forty minutes we arrived at a point where we figured the computers were just about going to explode so we scaled back and were able to see each other clearly and talk to each other with a minimal delay. "Watson, come here!" Not quite as momentus, but fun and perhaps one of the few ways youcan see relatives and conference in together periodically.
Also got an MP3 player, Not an iPod, but one o f those "SanDisk" ones. It was only fifty bucks on sale, but if I like it then maybe I'll move up next year. So far I love the technology, downloaded the 37 page manual, figured out how to work it and download stuff to it and all, but now I got another complaint for God! What's with these ears you gave me? How the hell am I supposed to keep those little thingies in there. They keep falling out! Do I have tiny ears or are they EXTRA EXTRA large "buds" I guess you call them. Well if that's the only negative thing I guess I can go searching for bigger ones.
I had a bunch of extra time yesterday so I decided to clean up "the pit". Well as happens everytime I attemptt to "clean it up" it now looks five times worse!! I guess I'm going to have to hire one of those Marine DI dudes to stand over me and just keep badgering me to "Throw it out,Dummy you haven't even looked at it for three years!" But sir, I might need ,... "I said toss it you pack rat wimp, get rid of it, you hear me Pyle?"
Whoa, now I scared myself. I guess I'll take a weeks vacation and vow to spend all day, (at least until 4:30 pm Pub time) cleaning it up.
Well got to go, I'm drooling for some good food, and my wife has made all kinds of good Polish food and well I've aega nwwhj45yb9ua[0g (Shit, more drool on the damn keyboard!)
Hope everyone had a good Christmas and that we can all say a goodbye to 2006 and be looking forward to the great 2007 coming our way.
-30-

Sunday, December 24, 2006

"T'was the night before Christmas,..."

A Merry Christmas to all of you ahead of my time zone,....and now for the news!

Since it's only myself and my wife for Christmas this year we fully intend to relax, sleep in tomorrow morning, have a liesurely breakfast together, open the "I told you I didn't want anything else" presents, and make some calls to our children and our grand daughter. If it sounds boring, just wait until you get to our point in life. For at least twenty something years we had the kids at home and regardless of two years old or twenty they were the focus of the day and my wife felt obligated to do big spreads for dinner and all. As they got older it was off to Bobby's, or Mary's, or some other friends home to compare gifts and hang out. Sometimes thier friends dropped by our place as well,....soooo you can see why "quiet" is a good thing.
This is when we get to put our favorite CD's in the machine and kick back and relax. (Surprise it's not Bing Crosby and Patti Page, but be equally sure it's not Nirvana or Nine inch Nails!)
I sincerely hope eveyone gets what they want and enjoy what they get as we wind down the last seven days of this year. This has not been "just another year" for sure, but the looking forward to a "super" 2007 is really exciting!
I guess I'm starting on my sixth or seventh full "Life makeover" again, but after the previous five or six I'm doing just like the big rock stars of yester year, ....so stay tuned in '07 for the "all new", "digitally re-mastered", "not available in stores", "send now and don't miss out and we'll double your order",...."The Best of Mr. Guinness"!
I'm thinking I'll sort of divide up my life into "the early years", "Teen angel", "Popeye the Sailor", "Watch out world, here I come" and the "Is that all there is?" phases. Maybe mix 'em up a bit just so no one really falls asleep at the computer, spills Coke in the keyboard and gets electrocuted as thier head hits the spacebar."
That brings up another question, or maybe a challenge for you. If you could control 2007 and casue one thing to happen, what would it be?

But I still haven't found the answers to some of life's biggest questions, may be you could help, like;
1. What the hell makes a Starbucks Coffee worth that much? Shit Juan Valdez must be driving a Rolls Royce for the prices those clowns get for a cup of coffee. Or how about,
2. "The Global Village", hell it's so damn big now all we do is spend our time getting updated on the latest "Whacko" thing going on in "the Village", speaking of which,
3. Would somebody please explain to me why strapping a shit load of C4 or dynamite around you and deliberately going out looking for a crowd of your own countrymen to kill when you "pop" would ever be considered a "good thing" by any concievable God ever known or considered on this earth? And if you have the answer, then how about,
4. Why is it we don't execute politicians very time they lie? Sure would go a long way to making a better world for all of us, (and a lot less politicians!) ...then there is,
5. An automobile that requires six Phd's to fix, none of whom is a ''computer nerd" and you know damn well it's going to die again in a year, at another cost of a second mortgage! (Brief aside I used to be able to get a car going or even fix it, but since the computer age Shit, I don't even know where to look! Like yesterday, I was going out to do some last minute Christmas shopping, jumped in the old vehicle, slapped the key in and it did nothing, nada, zilch, bupkis! Now if that don't neutralize all my meditation, my "calming breathes" and the rest of civility, well I don't know what does. I call the insurance Company for the "free Road service" only to find that I need to have the extra five hundred bucks of insurance to get the "free" road service. Two days before Christmas, shit, ain't no body even going to talk to me! So I vow to think it through, I will my mind to think like a computer program, I run through each of the steps in a logical, progressive mode. I hear a noise from the rear tailgate of the vehicle, so I grab a screwdriver and take the entire thing apart, it could be an open circuit, or stuck servo, or something, well,... it wasn't so I put it all back together, tried it again, nothing. But this time after I turned the ignition off and took the key out about every six or eight seconds the temperature guage would make a noise and drop to "0", then bounce back up to it's reguular position. Three and a half hours later I am resigned to the fact that week 1, 2007 will have it's earnings donated to some Bubba for "fixing" my vehicle. But I was a little nervous I'd wear the battery down if I left it connected and the guage kept popping on and off like that, plus who knows what other shit might be sucking electricity, so I decided to disconnect the positive side of the battery by taking off the cable from it.
Popped the hood,(oops, bonnet for the other half of the world), reached down to see if I could get a wrench in there and "plop"the entire cable falls off. Fifteen minutes later I had determined there was a crack/leak in the battery, right where the screw clamped the positive cable on to it, and apparently the slow leak of the acid had been going on long enough to dissolve all the threads around the screw as well as on the fitting it screwed into and it was strictly a gravity thing that was keeping it in place. But I still have to wait to Tuesday to get it fixed. I tried finding another bolt just a bit bigger and then as the few grey cells left between my ears began to twitch I got a thought,...."Is that such a good idea, trying to bore a bigger bolt into a battery?" I decided I'd rather be "rocking around the Christmas tree", than another nominee for the Annual Darwin awards for electrocuting myself with a car battery and having the ensuing explosion and it's accompanying battery acid reduce me to a charred mass of protoplasm lying in the garage as the house burned down around me. (Not only that, but my wife would be so pissed at having to clean up my mess, literally, by herself, ...hell, I'd never hear the end of it!
Well off to the pub to grant my bar tenders Christmas wishes, and a big tip, for being a good bartender to me. (It's funny, this time of year most bartenders get struck with the "barheimer's" syndrome. Six beers later they come over and say "you only had one beer, right mate? (wink, wink)" Now is that to encourage a larger tip for Christmas, or were they so confused over the huge hooters on the blonde at the other end of the bar? Oh, well, it's Christmas right, and isn't it impolite to try and correct someone in front of others anyhow?
"Ah yeah, Peggy, I wasn't counting so you must be right. (wink, wink)"

A merry HoHo to everyone and stay tuned for tomorrows adventure of "Can the old man figure out how to install the Web cam, and if he does read the damn directions is that any guarantee he'll figure out how to make it go out over the internet, or will he spend the day just looking at his dopey puss on his moniter?
Stay tuned, I've still got six more days to commit my annual error in 2006!
:)

-30-

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Why should I get old?

Just a crazy question. I was just wondering. You know I see folks every day all ages shapes sizes colors, and of course it's something you just do and don't really think ,much about it,...but maybe we should.
As most of you know by now I'm 62 in February. Big Whoop!! (sarcastically) The Government says I can now start collecting my monthly Social Security allottment becasue I'm entering the "retirement age", and for the rest of my life they will pay this to me every month, BUT I have to stop making money, or I'll have to include this "stipend" and pay them taxes on it! Let me back up a minute, ever since I was 14 years old they have been dipping into my paycheck every week, month, year, etc. No matter where I was (out to sea on an aircraft carrier, or sitting with my feet up on my desk listening to new age music ) but every payday they dipped a bit. Now they used to have a cap on when they stopped dipping and grabbing the 7%, and early in my career I actually would hit that cap in about September of each year, then it slid to October, then November, then December,...now? Shit I've not even come close to hitting the cap fo the last twenty years! So they just keep dipping all year long. The past few years they are babbling about how they 're going to run out of money by 2040 (Hmmmm, that will make me 95, I guess I could still pull a couple shifts at MacDonalds if I really needed to eat or wear clothes or some other stupid thing like that!)
But wait a minute what about now? Sure I can get the monthly "dole" (actually the return of my own money they been using for the last 48 years, but have to stop working and cut back my life or -pay taxes on it again? Gee dumb me I thought that's why we pitched out old King George back in 1776 or so.
Reading the fine print I can earn up to a whooping $11,000 and still get my Social Security payment tax free, hmmm, that's a combined total of less than $25,000 a year, now I'm no rocket scientist, but I'm going to take a pay cut of more than $20,000 to get there!
But deep in my brain lurks that little guy whose sole purpose in life is to insure the government never gets over on me, at least on a permanent basis, "ok little guy, get your ass off the couch and go to work on this one,...PRONTO!" OK, he's on it, I'll get back to you when he clues me in to the thought process he creates, so let's move on.

I'm just kicking back today. Can't have any food, nothing liquid that's red(?) and then at 7 pm I get to take this 1.5 ounce clear plastic bottle of "Ginger Lemon" flavored "stuff" which will throw my lower intestinal track into violent spasms and result in me sitting in the "lou" with my walkman for a few hours, then I can have clear liquids up until midnight. (Shit,(oops, a very bad pun!) I think I'll skip waiting around til midnight and just go to bed. Then at 5 am another bottle of this TNT for the intestinal track and off to the hospital for a "procedure" at 10 or 11. The little instruction sheet says it will all be over in a couple of hours, BUT, I won't be permitted to drive myself home so bring someone with me.
Al my buddies tell me it's painless, it's on a workday so I get the day off, after it's over I can eat or drink whatever I want, life is good again! So why does every one of them cringe when they mention it if it was painless, "piece of cake" and "nothing to worry about", HUH? I'll let you know tomorrow evening. You know me, I won't pull any punches.

Speaking of Doctors, I guess I better get hold of a Dermatologist. While my psoriasis is "sort of under control" (that means folks stopped yelling "Leper" when I entered a room) I seem to have picked up this contact dermatitis thing on my face. It started as a couple of blotches on my cheeks just a bout where my glasses and sunglasses rested, then it started spreading. The regular Doc gave me some white "goop" in a tube that kind of knocked it down for a while, and more recently gave me this aerosol can of what looks like greasy shaving cream to slap on it (since the cream is really greasy and annoying plus the "do not use near the eyes" disclaimer is clearly going to have to be set aside. This "foam stuff" uses alcohol as a base and stings like a bastard when you put it on right after you shave, but it works, as long as I use it every day, skip one or two and BAM it's back to looking like a stop sign with two eyeballs on it! I did learn that our "skin" is actually considered one of our seven "vital organs", or so they say. I always sort of looked at is as like "wrapping paper", but then again I'm not a Doctor am I?

I was reading something the otherday about them releasing the original first season of Saturday Night Live when John Belushi, Chevy Chase, Danny Ackroyd, Gilda Radner and the whole crew were on it. I'm gonna have to keep an eye out for that they were OUTSTANDING! I used to love Chevy Chases opening line, "Good Evening, I'm Chevy Chase, ..and you're not!"

Well closing off for now, stay tuned for the adventures of a twenty-something stuck in a sixty something body and a thirty something mind. Boy what a package that must look like!! Scary huh?
-30-

Saturday, December 16, 2006

"Well it's cryin' time again,..."

Another challenge for the troops. Congrats to Rocky Mountain Princess on our last lyrical challenge, you've won a two year supply of "you go girl's", from the Chocolate Company of America!!
Ok, back to reality. Was having a couple of pints with my friend Carl today at the pub. Seems like he's feeling a little "chilly" here in Florida, so he's off to Tahiti on Wednesday, where he'll spend Christmas, the on to Australia for a week or two, and finally "wintering" in New Zealand! (Hey, somebodies got to do it!!) I made a crass oveture and said, "Carl, you want me to take the Bentley out and keep the battery charged while your gone?" "No , my little sister is going to do it this time, but you want to do it next year?" That's a big "SHIT YES!"
Oh well, he's a good guy and we share times fighting each other over who is going to buy the next pint of Guinness.
Today was the "hell of Association Management" for me. My most highly gouged client, my kissing ass for six months, and we don't even have enough people come to the Annual Meeting to establish a quorum!! According to the Rules the only thing we can do is adjourn the meeting to another time and try and gather more people!! SHIT!!!! That means I have to do a shitload of work re-sending about three hundred and fifty notices, not once, but twice, re-rent a hall for the meeting, re-hire a company to provide chairs, re-hire a caterer to provide coffee, muffins, etc. and waste another perfectly good day of my life!!
A couple of friends and I have been talking of starting our own firm. Not because we think we're great, but because we've given our company a number of "leads", some of whom have said "just give me a contract, I'll sign it", and our management just ignores it!!
I am licienced by the State of Florida, certified in a National Organization, sure as shit organized and with a good "cleaning" have "the Pit" with four computer stations, wireless technology, the exact same computer software my firm has to serve as an "Office", and now that they have changed banking affiliations a great contact with the Senior Vice President of the bank they left who NEEDS to replace thier business! Should I go for it? Hell yes!
Ok, so I'm 62, not an ad for any "muscle building magazine", but damn I got balls,...BIG ones! If you don't want to take care of youre clients, or think they are "groveling" , ...well watch your ass because I'll eat your lunch, Mother! I always enjoyed being the underdog and fighting, clawing and whatever to make a principle more tha a principle, but a working reality! (Guess that makes me a dreamer, an entrepreneur, and in today's common business parlance "an idiot", but that's who I am!
Much like Don Quixote, I love windmills!!
Got to cut this short and take my wife, Miss Barbara, to dinner. Back at you tomorrow!
-30-

Friday, December 15, 2006

"And then,....and then,..."

Ok, a toughy for you!!

So it's Friday evening, I'm on my first galss of "Jacob's Creek Recerve Shiraz 1993", after four Guinness at my favorite pub, got my headphones on, listening to a "holosync" recording called "Quietude". I am inspired to write! Therefor you are inspired to read, (I hope)
So what are you ambitions in life? Not a dude to cuddle with, nor a better job, nor a "love me for who I am", but deep down inside, WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE, AND HOW DO YOU WANT ME TO PRECIEVE YOU?
Tough question, YES. But really who are you?
I love blogging, and I've met a whole lot of folks who are human, just like me. But you know what? We never talk about who we really are, what we really want to be, or what we would sacrifice to be that person we see in our our mindseye!

OK, I'll start.
I'm 62 years old, I'm way short of who and what I thought I'd be at this piont in my life. Am
I sorry I'm not "where I want to be" now, yes and no.
My "goal" when I was in my 30's was to build a company sufficiently to enable me to retire and live off the income for the rest of my life.
The reality, "I got shafted!", I've lost over $1.5 million dollars, for a number of reasons, but the bottom line is I'm here now, life goes on, and in the language of the bumper sticker, "Shit happens!" Am I bitter, I was then (1992), was I disappointed when another $800,000 went bye bye in 1996, shit your're kidding me, ...of coourse I was!" But like the bumper sticker says , "SHIT HAPPENS!"
But I'm getting old enough now, (62), that I can appreciate the reality of this "big Blue Marble"! It's all about personal survival. I am a survivor!
Drop me on my head, take away my "stuff", humiliate me in front of my friends, I WILL SURVIVE! But do not FUCK with my integrity, that is beyond reality, it's beyond discussion, it is the very core of who I am! DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IMPUNING IT!
Got to go, but you get my "drift" on this!
Sorry, I've got a big meetiong with the nmemisis group I've come to regard as slightly left of Atilla the Hun tomorrow.
Stay tuned for the adventures of "moi"
-30-

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

"The mountains high,...and the valley's so low"

Ok boys and girls, another Golden Kudo for the singer of this tune. Hint: if you don't know what 45rpm means you ain't in the hunt!

But on to today! I am genuinely excited and happy! It's almost 8pm here and I'm sitting at the keyboard with my headphones on listening to one of the "Holosync" CD's called "Quietude", and quite frankly i feel like I could write for hours! (But I won't because you'd drop me from your "blog list". But it's amazing, I mean truly amazing!!
I was born a skeptic, how do I know that, .....shit that's easy, the doctor slapped my parents with a $200 surcharge becasue i slapped the bastard back! (I just got here what the hell did I do wrong, Dude?) But honestly, even though I'm on my second glass of that "sassy and raspberry hinted" Shiraz (Damn you Aussie wineries, I might sell my soul to come down there and "OD" on Shiraz a few times with some friends, it's that good. Lucy, you up to the task, if not I'll call Jezzy girl or GBE.)
Seriously folks, I love this new "Holosynch" shit!!!
I get up at 5 am, grab my cup of coffee (sorry, it's a US worker dude thing!) stagger up to the pit, (Hmm! Just had a brain flash! We've lived here six years and the house cleaners, every two weeks, my wife, ever since we've been here refuses, and me, a "guy", have never so much as thought about bringing a vacuum cleaner into "the pit"!! Damn I can't see any dirt! So maybe we are obsessed with "cleaning" in America. Oh well, I'm happy in "the pit", have not come down with any rare tropical diseases, rashes, boils, or other "skin disorders",.....maybe we should fire the house cleaners and chaulk it up to a whole "mind over matter thing"! Naw, I guess it makes my wife feel better about "maintianing the house" without actually running the vacuum cleaner. By the way I actually saw it last week, it was next to the cat's litter box! Am I an observant husband or what?)
Back to the article, blog, or "excuse to pound down more Shiraz",...anyway, I love this stuff it is somehow energizing me, sucking out ALL the negativity and "what if" shit from my mind, and just flooding me with "damn I am SO GLAD to be on the up side of a "dirt nap!!"
(OK, old fart comment coming up here! If you are under forty you may want to go get a coke and put the scroll key on "auto",....only because I love you all and don't want to bore you!)
What I'm quickly coming to realize is that, as the old movie line goes, "It just doesn't matter!!"
If I check out tonight, the world goes on. Osama Bin Laden doesn't give up, children in Africa, China and a dozen third world countries are going to die tomorrow from malnutrition, no "cure" will be found for AIDS, Cancer, or Heart disease by 9 am tomorrow. There will still be a whole bunch of women who will be beaten tonight, a truck load of "seniors will pass away,...but you know what? A couple of truckloads of new babies will be born tomorrow, a number of cancer patients will hear thier Doctors say the word they long for, "remission", and maybe, just maybe people all over the world will pick up the anachronym (sp) "WTF?"
Bring sanity back, bring back reality versus "stay tuned for previews of next week", hug a neighbor and really mean it. Hold you kid a couple of extra seconds and realize how absolutely "priceless" they are, reflect on a simple question, "Who put all this shit together?" and bet your ass it was not Walmart, Rupert Murdock, or anyone else on this big blue marble!
Sorry, I'm getting philosophical.

Luck, Live and Love, what more could you want? ('cause that's all there really is in the end!)

-30-

Sunday, December 10, 2006

"What's it all about Alfie?"

Platinum kudoes for whoever can nail the songer of this one!

Well I'm back from the Christmas Party. ( I know, three blog entries in a day, it's kind of like diarrea of the mind! Speaking of this disgusting stuff, my Doctor cornered me,...finally! When i turned fifty, 12 years ago he started with the old "you know men over fifty should have a colonoscopy every couple of years to determine if they have colon cancer" Short answer for the past 12 years, "NO FUCKING WAY!! End of discussion, ...period, don't even mention it again or I'll start seeing the eye ear and throat dude down the hall!"
Well, my brother in law got IT(translation Colon Cancer), a good friend got IT, so at 62 I swallow my pride, take next Sunday and Monday off my schedule, and have resigned myself to some dude sticking a camera up my butt and roaming around while I'm zonked out! (For those of you who haven't been there you have to take two days because the day before, in my case Sunday, you can just drink broth, applejuice, etc. plus take a dose of this "stuff" which requires you basically strap yourself to the "lou" and hang on while mother nature does it's thing! Oh yeah babe, I'm really looking forward to this!!!!!
Meanwhile the Christmas party,...and slowly he turned, step by step,...
I'm not a newbie!! The under six month employees got a $50 bonus, but I'm a 6 month to a year guy, so I got $75, and everyone over a year got $100. (Having owned my own businesses for year giveing out cash bonuses is absolutely stupid! You can never pay a person what they think they deserve, so don't wonder why nobody talks to you for two months after the "Christmas bonus". But I know that so I'm not upset. But if you are stupid enough to share your gross sales growth in dollars and then insane enoough to say something like "and our profit this year is up over 540% thanks to you folks",...well I guess stupidity is contagious!! Sure I have to go to work on Monday, because I have to pay my bills, but how do I reconcile your 540% increase in profit with my $75 bonus?
Oh and let's not forget the "Company gift" to each of us,... a set of four plastic water tumblers with the Company logo between the two thermal plastic walls. "My God how did you ever guess they are just what I wanted!
The the "back-handed" comment about how expensive today's dinner was going to be for the company. (I'm willing to bet it was not as high an increase over last year as the "514% increase in Profit"!
But I owned businesses so I can forgive all that. It's part of the dumb owner mindset that the employees really work for the company and are as concerned as the owners! (That went out with the Hula Hoop!)
But the real "UN_FUCKIN" BELIEVABLE" was that the Company "squeezed" local vendors and company vendors to "contribute presents" for the staff at this Company Christmas party!! You talk about BALLS!! Not thier money, but an extortion gig!! "Contribute or we'll maybe "re-evaluate" doing business with you!" Duh!!, Now that is BALLS!!
SoI get a $50 gift card to Walmart from the guy who rapes our clients for insurance and is "approved" and "Preferred" by the Company.
I had to come home and take a shower! I felt dirty!
All in all not as bad as it could have been, the food was good, the speeches the usual, and the "thank you Jesus" kept to a non-vomiting level of "suck it up sailor".
Am I grateful for the party, sure, am I a "committed employee" for the next year, not really, but after all it is my job as of now.
Have a good evening, and remember,
Luck, Life and Love, what more do you need!

-30-

Ooooooooommmmm, Ooooooooommmmmm!

Ok I got that 100th blog stuff out of my system so we'll start 101 with a new commitment to all of you, a new attitude, a new year, and an older (but newer) me!
First a challenge to all of you. What do you want to know about? Shit, in 62 years I've picked up a couple of things, led an interesting, albeit "un-wealthy" life, and as my darling wife of 40 years this June always says "You have an opinion on everything, but you're not always right!"
If I were a little younger,...no forget it, I'm gonna do it anyhow. I'm going to go hi-tech again and put a "web-cam" up and try this instant messenger stuff. I'll let you know when I get it done and how to "buzz me" or whatever it is you do to IM someone.
On to newer and better things. With the two deaths of friends this past fall I found mnyself slipping into a tad of a depression. Partly my age, partly my diet and exercise programs, (Ahem, WHAT diet and exercise programs? We'll talk later honey, and I'll prove to you Guinness is one of the major food groups.) And probably partly because I've always know your parnets are supposed to die before you, same with Aunts, Uncles, Grand-parents, etc. Hell I even knew that some buddies would die before me, that odd disease that never should have gotten them, that stupid war that they should have come marching home from after it was over, and yes even that tragic car accident, swimming accident, and other oddball things that happen. But I guess I really felt my local "buddies" would all make it through til some time later. My diet (I know wrong choice of word) went to hell. Some days I'd just have some peanut butter and crackers in the evening, that was all for the day. I had a hell of a time deciding to throw back the covers and get up, in fact for a guy who loves getting up at 5am I was tuning into a real sleep until fifteen minutes before you're due in the office, skip lunch or any other "time out" during the day, hit the Pub about 4:30 pm and have several Guinness watch the talking sports heads on the tube, go home and crash with a glass of wine, and hit the bead by 9 p.m. (I guess that qualifies as depressed!)
But Tra-da! It's all over, done, out with the trash, history, etc. I got pissed at myself because I knew I was being an asshole, to everyone, in a real universal manner. My wife was beginning to worry and told me go talk to the Doctor (against my personal philosophy. I got my ass in this position I have to get my ass out of it, and I'm sure as shit not going to some doctor who will most likely have either of two solutions; a) "take this prescription to the drug store, and take....", or door number 2 b) "I'm going to refer you to Doctor Wacko-fixer , he's outstanding in this area of ......."
Not even NO, but HELL NO! Thinking back over my life I started looking for times I was at peace with my self and my life, and enjoyed life. Start ruling out the ridiculous times (No, too old to go join the Navy again and know the next four years are guaranteed pay, healthcare, dental care, traveling around, and then there was the ,...oh shit, Icouldn't live on that kind of money today!) Think about the "Gung ho" and decisions and my decision making processes of twenty years ago (shit that won't work either I can't be living on Spaghettio's and twinkies for months at a time because I knew eventually I could make the business work, I'd wind up with a bloody ulcer!) Oh wait a minute, there was the time I started getting a regular massage. That helped bigtime. I would just let go and let the masseuse work her magic and BAM, kinks and knots all gone, bones turned to jelly, my mind the consistency of warm applesauce and empty of worries, ideas, or concerns. Hmmm, that's do-able, to a degree, maybe only every other week or once a month, but it's a start. So I make a call, schedule an appointment, and Voila!, My body is beginning to thank me. About an hour after the massage I realized I was hungry. First time in a couple of months where eating was a chore and a seemingly waste of time exercise that had occured. So how can I crank this up a little more without having to re-mortgage the house to pay for daily massages or divorce my wife and marry a masseuse! (A little fuzzy logic there folks, but I got over it!)
Then I remembered I used to "meditate" and it also was relaxing. I went upstairs to "the pit", started pawing over my old cassette tapes, CD's, etc. looking for my old meditation music. Then I remebered a book I had bought on TM (Trancendental Meditation, YUP, the same stuff the Beatles did in I think it was '67 when they went to India or Bengaladash looking for the Maharishi dude. Oh wait, this is 2006! Google knows everything so I fire up the old 'puter , hit google and type in "TM" (Shit, also the initials for the term "Trademark"!) Back to full term "Transendental Meditation". Woo-woo, dozens of sites, so like in the old war movies "cover me, I'm going in". A half hour later I got a telephone number off the website, (After digesting the dozens of pages of evidence, testimonies etc.) and I call. "Hi , We're sorry we missed your call, but if you'll.....", so I do, figuring I'll maybe get a call back in six weeks or so. An hour later the phone rings and poof! It's a live person. (By now I've hit a dozen more web sites and found a number of "new and exciting" breakthrough technologies that supposedly accomplish the same thing and was in the midst of checking them out.) I begin talking with this guy and we are chatting along fine and come to find out he is an authorized instructor of TM, lives only 20 miles away from me, and invites me over to explore it more on Wednesday (this is now Friday evening, two glasses of wine into "deep research") I remember last time I was checking out TM about eight years ago there was a fee of $400-$500 for the instruction, so I ask, "Ahh excuse me I'm sure there is a charge for this wonderful training on TM technique, so about how much are we talking? (I'm ready for the $695-$795 inflation upgrade price)
"Well there's no charge for the first meeting and we'll evaluate the reasons you want to learn TM. Then if you are really comitted to make it a part of your life the next step is five meeting in a two week period and we will have you meditating on your own after that, for the rest of your life."
"Hmmm, yes I understand, but how much?"
"Well it's a financial committment of $2500,...but that's all you will ever have to pay, and you'll be meditating for the rest of your life!"
"Ah sounds good, why don't you call me on Tuesday and let me see if I can clear my schedule for next Wednesday to meet with you (NOT!)"
Back to the Web for a better look at the "new technological breakthroughs".
The usual "NLP"(Neuro-lingustic programing") stuff is still around Sort of the "subliminal messaging" stuff. A coded "affirmation" embedded within the sixty-four piece symphonic music. Then there was the "neutral affirmation programs", anoither form of affirmation within a background of constant static that your mind hears but your ear doesn't. Then the plain old affirnmation tapes ( sort of a "you love yourself, you respect yourself, you love others and you respect thier decisions as well" (sort of the "Write 'I'm a shit head' six hundred times on the blackboard type training.)
Then I found this outfit out of Oregon somewhere (lot of that stuff going on out on the west coast). They had this "Holosync Solution" program on CD's,(by now glass #2 of the "smart and raspberryish"Australian Shiraz has mellowed my approach to life, lowered my skepticism, and boosted my curiosity, "Aw What the hell, I'll order it on line" (See how depressed I must have been to buy something on-line from someone I don't know and worse yet with a credit card (it did have a one year money back guarantee!), so I took the plunge.
I started using it about six days ago and my mind is really clearing up and my attitude is really starting to look up big time. I am less anxious, seem to be making more orderly progress, don't let anything bother me as much as it used to, and I'm up in the early hours again! (5:30 this morning!)
Best description I can give you is it's a half hour Stereo CD I listen to through headphones, to a contiuopus track of what sounds like a summer rain on a tin roof with you sitting under the roof on the front porch, oh and to spice it up a bit , there are like bells, or gongs, the kind you hear from Nepal, etc. with random sounds and spacing.
The whole point is obviously the same sort of "subliminal" thing, but is using sounds to move your brainwaves out of the "regular day" level into the three lower levels like sleep, while you stay conscious. At some levels you are more free to be creative than the "day to day level " of consciuosness, etc.
I'll keep you posted, but thus far it is working. I have another full week of using this CD, and then I add another CD to it and go from a 30 minute meditation to a sixty minute and drop down a couple of levels of consciousness to a clearer and better understanding of myself and my stressors, or something like that.
(No I haven't gone crazy, and yes I REALLY do feel more peaceful and balanced, and if any of you is into any form of this type of "meditation" please let me know.
Have a great day! Time to go the the "Christmas Party" I mentioned in my last blog
Peace and calm, life is short, eat dessert first!
-30-

"It's the big one 'Liz'beth!"

According to the little nebbishes who keep track of this stuff, this is my 100th blog! Actually I knew it a week or so ago, and I wanted to write something special, something that would carry me into the shadow of Hemingway, make me an impoverished "cult hero", and stuff like that. Well, here it is a week later and no cataclysmic revalations have occured,.....so I guess we'll sort of "bullet point" a bunch of stuff for your consideration and entertainment.

1. Company Christmas Party today. 2-5 pm at one of the best restaurants in town, four star at least, sit down meal, awards and recognition, Christmas bonuses, listening to the very well paid tell the rest of us how much we mean to them and how WE are what makes the company grow and prosper and what a priveldge it is to work with such a fantastically talented and wonderful crew, and how we will put it "over the top" again next year,..blah, blah,blah. You get the idea, but guess what NO BAR, NO WINE, and a ton of the "Thank you Jesus" stuff. (Side note, if you don't show up you don't get a bonus!) Oh how I love working for those who have to decide between two rounds of golf next week and which Mercedes to put in the shop for an oil change, and the decision over the trip to Hawaii or Cancun for the holidays and yet can look me straight in the eye, Thank me for personally bringing them over $160,000 in business a year and REALLY think that helps me pay my bills each month, plus all my gas and vehicle expenses, plus my cell phone costs, (averaged over $7,000 for the first 6 months) all of that out of my $32,000 GROSS wages, no overtime, and "praise the Lord" the privelege of being part of thier "health plan" at $260 a month out of my pocket! (Maybe I'll become a Democrat or a bum, with a new Democratic leadership they'll be looking to take care of me big-time!)

2. I am a very proud United States Navy Veteran. I joined in the 1960's when the "hippy movement" and the peaceniks, and the "flower power", and "Equal Rights" folks and all that other crap was happening. I joined to serve my country, where ever and whatever they needed of me. The Viet Nam war was just beginning to really heat up. Our country was becoming totally polarized over it. I was proud, just as proud as those guys who spent weeks in trenches in WWI (World War One) with bullets all around, poison gas in the air, etc. , just like those guys who had to just about freeze to death in the French/ Belgium country side fighting the Nazi menace of WWII, or woke up to a Sunday morning of death and destruction in a place called Pearl Harbor. I speak of all of us who survived and came home, knowing WE made it possible for you to have your freedom to have those little white "buds" growing our of your ears, the freedom to not really give a shit about anyone other than yourself, the freedom to sleep most of your life away wondering who will win the important things of life, like "survivor", "American Idol", and the like. My only regret is the freedoms I gave five years of my life to protect have created a society that has no "cajones" to get a job done, like clean up the middle east. It is very clear the "kinder and gentler" America is going to be the beginning of the end of our society in this world. Like I always say "If you want to do WAR, let's do WAR, people are going to die, sons, daughters,mothers, children, fathers, brothers, sisters, best friends. People you know, love and care a great deal about are going to die. But that's because WAR is death, WAR is destruction, WAR is the perennial battle of light and dark, good and evil, sanity and insanity. So if you want to do WAR, bring it on, and don't you dare even give me shit about it! My job, every soldier, sailor and fighter is the most fundamental law of the earth, and none other,..."kill or be killed and take no prisoners". That is war!

3. Justice, ...what the hell is that? In the past forty years of my 20's to 60's I've sure as shit seen damn little of it around our whole planet. Why are there human beings , Americans even, born, brought up and living in my country with absolutely no health care? Why are there little children starving all over Africa? Why is it that people who WANT to work hard can not be paid anymore than a "living" or a shitty subsistence rate of pay? Why is it the rich get richer and the poor continue to get poorer? Why is it only the really wealthy can afford to "live", while the rest of the masses just barely "live til they die"? (Sorry, I guess I'm supposed to know the answers since I'm asking the questions.) When a man (or woman) kills another, is tried fairly, found guilty by a jury of their peers, and sentanced to death does it take twelve to fourteen years for the sentance to be carried out? And at the same time a man (or woman) who has to resort to stealing from others to personally survive (and I'm not talking "junkies" etc.) or feed thier family and gets caugth ahve to spend years and years in prison and the rest of thier entire life as a "convicted felon"? In that respect human rights are for the wealthy, not the humans.

4. But on a brighter note we all move forward. I have always believed in the dignity of man and the ability of any man (and woman) to rise above themselves, their environment, and thier surroundings,...if they want to. Some folks say I'm a pretty sharp guy, others think I'm a "loose cannon", and still others think I am far to cynical and "not politically correct". To my critics I say , "Up yours!" I am who I am, I am what I am. I can be your friend for life, as loyal and giving as any human who ever drew breath, OR I can make a horror movie look a lot nicer than your life. I'll always give you the choice.

5. On the personal side of life. As you know from reading this column I've lost two dear friends in the past two months. One who was a complete pauper in the world of savings, investments and property and lived the hand he got dealt with dignity and a full love of all mankind. A guy who told the Doctor that if he could just keep him alive until he was 65 and could sign up for the Medicare program he would have any tests the doc wanted done. Well he missed 65 by three months, 90 days, or 2160 hours. Look at your life for the past 90 days are you proud of the way you've lived them, what if you could have a "do over" in those 90 days, what would it be?
The other friend was WEALTHY (capital letters to emphasize the degree of wealthy), best doctors, every test available under his health insurance plan possible, phenomenol stock portfolio, trust funds for every one of his kids, and his grandkids, house on a huge lake for the summer, place on the Gulf of Mexico for the winter months, brand new Cadillac every year, not a worry about a thing, a great guy to talk with, and a guy who in his retirement found out the "dog eat dog" of a career was the price for "politically correct friends", but not the ones who just were generally glad to see him, and sit and "shoot the shit" with who were genuinely concerned about him as a person.
They both left the same way they came in, alone, without a chance to say a good bye to us, and absolutley without taking anything with them. Ain't life funny like that.

6. I would be completely remiss if I did not count the new friends I've come to meet on the net and thier "blogs", Lucy, SuvvyGirl, Rocky Mountain Princess, Jezzy, GBE, Alliecad, WaltonCad, MissDevilish, and the dozens I read and lurk around like Mental meatloaf, Bear tracks, Mimi in NY, Audrey, Bated breath, etc. We all have a place in this world and all of you help me remember I'm not alone, not the only person who is human, and that we are all of the one big marble with similar, but different lives. with similar, but different problems, but boil them all around and guess what? It all comes out the same WE ARE ALL HUMAN!

7. This 100 blog thing is overrated. I'm putting too much pressure on my self to be Hemingwayesque, but gess what it's still silly old me getting older, wiser(?) and still loving my Guinness.

Luck, Life, and Love ,....what more could you want?

-30-

Friday, December 01, 2006

"All of me,...why not take all of me,..."

Ok folks, what's this tune from and sung by whom?

Moving right along. I apologize for not being on the 'net sooner. Monday evenings news about my friend Ron was a kick in the gut, but there is a brighter side. Unlike Mikie who just "died", Ron had his life in order, right down to the list of friends for his son and daughter to call, his broker, his attorney, etc. Shit he did it all for us, and we just had to remember him. That's going out in style!
A number of the "mates" at the pub, asked me what we were going to do for Ron. At first i was really concerned about it, but as I heard more about how much Ron did himself, well, ... he did it all, he really did not need us in his dying process,...so be it! But we want to do "something"! At first we bantied about sending flowers, then we realized his friends in Michigan did not know us from a sharp stick in the eye. We then talked about making a donation to his favorite charity (a list of which his son gave us when I talked to him on monday evening) and we decided it would in fact be a "drop in the ocean". So what was the final resolution? Here it is.
Ron spent about eight or none months a year with us here in Florida. We drank togehter, we went out to dinner together, we had him over for the holidays his family wasn't going to be here, he hooked me up with his broker (a really great guy as well!), we traded stock "tips", we even invested in a couple of horses together. (Just for shits and giggles!). Ron came here to be with us to dump the stodgy old Vice President of one on America's top ten companies image to just sit and have a scotch and water (DeWar's) argue with us, defend his position amongst the "literatti" of our pub, join us each January for the giant SuperBowl party and get "blitzzed" like the rest of us. We bet the ball games toether, we bet the "ponies", shit we'd even bet on whether the "regulars" would all be in tonight. In short we enjoyed life together. The result? We are all going to Buster's one Friday evening in January, (date T/b/A) and have a few drinks with Ron's memory. He wasn't with us for the donations to the "Conservency Fund" or any other such thing. He was with us to be a unique person, like each of us, put in his two cents worthe, take shit from a "day laborer" that he never would have ever seen as a full Vice President, get harassed by a lowly retired machinist, whom he never would have ever said "hello" to in his "other life, about his terrible golf shots, and partied with us "regular folks" and enjoyed it so much.
The one thing we will all remember about ROn was his handshake. Every time he saw you his hand went out, and every time he had a "killer" grip. Just the mere "pressing of flesh" was Ron's way of making you know, "God, I care about you, and I value you as a friend."
Frankly I can't think of any thing more that would honor me than that handshake. I will most surely miss it. God speed Ron, we all loved you!