Saturday, April 29, 2006

I'm not surprised we're slipping.

"The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire" is being re-written by contemporary historians and re-titled, "The Decline and Fall of the American Republic". We are going to kill off the Middle Class and the American Dream, which will in turn devastate our country!
The European "Guild" system was a prime mover in the creation of the European Middle Class, and despite all it's inherant "evils" it lives today in a more moderate form. Our derivative of it was the modern American Labor Movement, or Unionism. Being Americans we had to do it bigger, better, more powerful, and more dominant. Why? Because that's what we do, that's why! And in the process we revelled in the creation of the largest middle class growth and ascendancy to power in the history of any civilization. But like our European counterpart it created a small but significantly more effective counter culture known as American Capitalism. Capitalism is the most seductive of all the dangers in the world, for it supposes anyone can reach the Nirvana of Capitalism,...more wealth than imaginable. It is the basis of what we call the "American Dream", the "start with nothing and work hard and it will all be yours" philosphy. But is it really true? More recently I have come to believe this "American Dream" is really the famed "forbidden fruit" of the Garden of Eden.
The true Capitalists are the greatest salemen of the dream because they know it's secret lies in manipulating the "less gifted" to thier ends and disguising it with tokens of "throw-away capitalism". Simply stated the odds on you becoming a better Capitalist than your "mentor" is impossible because that would truly make you the "superior". These are the elite cadre who saw the impact that unionism was having, and the unbelievable, and awesome expansion of the entire economy to the point that it would dismantle thier control of the masses, and demand the redistribution of wealth,...and it had to be stopped! The groundwork was laid during the WWII era, while the true rising Capitalists were defending this country with thier blood in Europe and the Pacific. It was thinly veiled as the "Taft-Hartly Act" and passed into law in 1947. It was sold as the protection of this country from labor disturbances affecting the government, which would have left us on the very short end of the stick agaist the German and Japans of the world. Painted as the cureall for it ever possibly happening again, it was passed. Deep within it was a section called the "right to work law", the real core of the melt-down of our society. Designed to take twenty to fifty years to fully work,...which it has. It scripted the language for every single state to use that would be impervious to legal upset. It surgically removed the very core of unionism and re-established the true Capitalists with absolute power. It was woven so tightly that it would never be over-turned or changed, thus assuring them of future power and control of wealth and it's distribution.
So much for part I of this,....more to come.
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Friday, April 28, 2006

Recovering duffus nerd wannabe

I had last Sunday off and decided it was time to take the plunge and do a total immersion in techology shit. As I sipped my coffee, sitting in my "cave" (that's my computer room, a laptiop station, a big old Dell desktop station, a full blown maxed out Mac station, four printers, and just about every other "do-dad" you tend to salivate about), I decided I should become proficient at everything. But how do we do it? Hhhmmm!
Well I love blogging and with one exception can count the number of comments I've had on one hand (Paranoid viewpoint: Gee I guess I'm really shitty at this! Concerned viewpoint: well who the hell knows I'm even writing a blog, not counting the hundred business cards I handed out with the blog addresses on them, but then again most of those folks prefer to use thier computers for ANYTHING other than reading a blog! Personal viewpoint: ahh who gives a shit it keeps me from going postal!)
Anyhow I decided to use my blog to learn how to get the digital pixs from my camera to the 'puter, to the blog and then remember how I did it. So I slaved away for five hours , lerned how to do it all (now remember this tomorrow? We'll see.) My blog was great. I wrote of the Hurricanes that devastated us in 2005 and 2004, did pizs of the beaches, the damage etc. even pumped in some humor and then hit the publish button. It looked Great, I was pleased, so I headed for my pub and a couple of pints of Guinness. THE NERD HAS LEARNED!!
Sunday evening when I got home I wanted to stretch my learning curve some mmore so I headed to the cave to install a program I had purchased for my Blackberry. (That was a disaster, it's friday morning and I still don't have it installed!) But anyway I was cruising through blogs and hit mine to see if there were any comments and a strange screen popped up with a bunch of blogs I'd written asking me if I wanted to edit them or publish them. Well I thought I had already so I saw this "button" that said "republish blog". Yup, you guessed it. I thought that meant simply publish these pieces on my blog. WRONG! It wiped outr my beautiful artistic hurricane presentation, all my pixs (boy I hope I did'nt erase the pixs from the card!) it's like poof and at least five blog entries were vapor. So much for my triumph over technology.
Guess I'll re-do the peice again. Well time to go and enjoy my "short time" in the wonderful world of retail
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By the way if you read this at the bottom there is a button that says "comments", hit it and a box opens up, write a comment (please) and then hit "other" and "publish" and don't forget the little funky letters you have to enter or the whole thing just evaporates forever.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

"The die is cast" - Julius Ceasar

Well, it's done! I recieved an offer to become a Community Association Manager, with one of the best firms in the area and accepted it. Sent my notice of retirement to my old boss's boss (long story for later) and set the date as May 6, 2006. Got a reply this morning that says "Congratulations! I will call you tomorrow to discuss". So as my title suggests, "The die is cast".
My wife's first comment (she's used to me making a new life every seven years after thirty-nine years of hanging out with me!), "Well I guess this means you'll finally upgrade your wardrobe." (Never really been a "clothes horse", shorts, Birkies, golf shirt, I'm cool!)
It's a load off my mind, now I can get back to being a businessman and not a retailnerd.

The older you get the more traumatic a change really becomes. I never really thought about health insurance before I was 45, now with the former "monthly" payroll being direct deposited into my checking I'm going to have to re-compute to the "weekly" amount and reschedule some payments. (thought I'd hate the monthly, but poof!, everything gets paid at once, I get to see my money for twenty-four hours , then back to work for 30 more days! I hope I can re-adjust to weekly!) And no more inane retail schedule, no more working nights til the mall closes at 9pm despite no one comes in after six p.m., and Saturday and Sunday off, together, every week-end? Man, I'm livin' in high cotton! (probably drive my wife nuts being around for 48 straight hours!)

Well I'm supposed to be "working" but a little goof time is permissible.
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Monday, April 17, 2006

The Crossroads and life

Well I guess it's time to fess up,...I'm a little afraid of the next few weeks, it's new territory for me.
Let me go back a few years. When you're young and "bullet-proof" you do what you want to do, I'm talking about jobs, careers, you know, the "big decisions" of life. I never had a problem with that stuff. I guess philosophically my thought is that you are either right, or you are wrong, and only time will tell and if you are wrong, then make the necessary corrections and keep moving forward because it will all come out right in the end.
Well it seems the older I get the less time remains to make it "come out right in the end". I'm feeling more presssure and stress in decision-making, something I can never remember as being there before. It's bothering the shit out of me to be frank about it.
Getting specific, it's about working. I've traded the last seven and a half years of my inner self for the "paycheck", and now I'm beginning to feel totally burned out. The thought of just reaching over the counter and bitch slapping a few customers is really becoming a viable option. It's like don't try and be funny,...you're not, and don't spend two hours roaming around in my store playing feely touch with every little thing in there and then come up to me and ask me for some space 1999 bizarrre thing you think we should have that for the most part doesn't even exist, or worst yet spend an hour wasting my time telling me how you would never buy one of my products becasue they are shit and you always buy "X" because that's quality. (Listen to yourself and see how stupid you sound!)
Well I'm about ready to bail out. I have one offer to do something I'm just not sure what, and that's whats bothering me. But I need to get out of retail , it's shortening my life span for sure.
just a rant test
Got a second offer yesterday so I'm meeting with them this afternoon and trust me I WILL take one of them in the next 24 hours!!! Either that or start "bitch-slappin" some of these old fart assholes who seem to like to aggrevate me with stupid questions and dumb thinking. For example this clown comes in today with 2 drills he bought "less than a year ago", but n o receipt for them. Both drills are beat to hell, literally. I've seen professional carpenters whose twenty year old stuff looks better than this guys, "less than a year" old stuff. He wants new chargers, which we don't have, then he wants whole new drills, which we are sold out of, so I cut him a deal and offer him a 66% trade in price against a bigger stronger and lot more expensive drill, then it comes out this is his second time bringing these back to us! Then I explain to this guy that the warranty is on the ORIGINAL purchase only for two years from the ORIGINAL date of purchase! Well DUH? He figures he buys a drill, and as long as he brings it back and bitches within the two years he can get another one and the clock starts ticking for another two years!! How dumb can you get? Life is good as long as you get a forever warrantee on everything you buy. Please save me from this stupidity!!!
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Friday, April 14, 2006

Middle East Solution

Ok, all the waiting is over, I have single handedly figured out how to solve the entire Middle East situation as well as make life in the good old US of A revert back to God, Country, and Mom's apple pie.

Phase I - We politely "ask" Iran, Iraq, Saudia Arabia, Jordan, and Syria (oh hell, throw in Israel too) to resolve all thier differences and "get it all together" or willingly ask for our help within the next thirty days or we will unleash the mother of all cultural "bombs" at every major city in the middle east. When asked to explain what the "mother of all cultural bombs" is our reply should be a severe bodily "shudder" and a beyond firm, "I really can not disclose it nor even provide you a clue, but I assure you it will devastate your entire society, regardless of any form of religion, ethnicity, or level of wealth,....you just have to trust me on this!"

Phase II (to be enacted the morning of the 31st day after the polite request phase) All "hip-hop", rappers, and 'gangsta" types throughout the United States are given free tickets to a "star studded FREE Rave begining in Bagdhad and moving every day to a different city in the Middle East with FREE travel between cities included. All takers should assemble at thier nearest United States Air Force Base, no passports, visa's, or ID required for immediate first class transport to "beautiful down town Bagdhad".

Phase III (occurs about thirty days or sooner after the "RAVE" begins)
U.S. Navy Seabee's, the Army corps of Engineers, all University Psychologist graduates,and all off duty English teachers land in Bagdhad to begin infrastructure renewal, "English as a primary language" courses, and grief counseling for shattered psyches.

If Phase II is effective we should be welcomed with open arms, enjoying great hospitality, and have the undying gratitude of all nation of nations for learning the peaceful utilization of the "ultimate weapon" and it's deployment with out the loss of a single sea turtle or otherwise endangered species being hurt.
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Based on the "rapper depletion ratio" as documented daily on CNN we will be the HEROs!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Are you insurance companies totally daft?

This will be short simply because I am still seeing red, but as I explore this I wanted you to share the "joy" with me.
A few weeks ago I wrote about my having to go get the "stress test", per my Doc at my annual physical, "Just as a precaution and to give us a baseline for the future as you get older. It's always good to have the baseline as it allows us to notice any irregularities faster." OK so I go do it, see my blogs about a month ago for the gory details.
Well today when I got home the "EOB" or explanation of benefits form arrived by mail. Sit down you'll really need to after this!
The hospital bill alone, for the use of the ekg machine, the nurse to hook me up, the paper for the charts, the crap they shot me up with to "light me up" so they could take thier "nuclear pictures" after the treadmill, the follow up two days later to get "lit up" agian and see "resting" heart nuke pictures, a TOTAL of no more than 90 minutes in the hosptial as an outpatient for a "test",.....the "bill" $10,468.75 !!!
Now let's see how the great American healthcare scam works. The hospital submits the bill for the $10, 468.75, then the insurance carrier has a "Not covered/Discount" amount of $3,140.62 that they apply, leaving an "Amount Covered" of $7,328.13! With me so far? At this point it would appear the $10,000 is a bogus number, and when adjusted by the insurance carrier by over $3,000 reaches a more palletable $7,000 that's "covered" by the insurance company,...good, end of rip off sequence. NOT!! The innocuous "Patient Deductible/Co-Pay column is next, but we luck out, that shows all Zero's, (alas there is a God!) However we next move to a column labled "Percent" showing various figures ranging from "90" to "100", good not affecting me (I think!), then the final column which is "Plan Liability"(?) . Excuse me, maybe I'm just dumb as a stump, but what the hell's the difference between the colum named "Amount Covered" and the "Plan Liability"? Beats the shit out of me! Well that column shows a total of $6,797.04. Well "duh!!!" now I undrstand where you came up with the stupid number on the front page of "Total Patient Responsibility: $531.09"
Are you as confused as I am at this point? But wait, there is another column labeled "See Note" all lines noted with an "A",... oh there it is in fine print at the bottom of the page "A) - Thank you for using the ***** Healthcare Open Access Plus Network (? what the hell is that?) This represents your savings, so you are not required to pay this amount. The Provider is prohibited from billing the patients for the difference. If you have already paid the full amount please request a reimbursement form your provider."
What the hell is that saying, I owe someone $500+, but because they are on some program I don't owe them and they can't bill me and if I was dumb enough to have already paid them, well they owe me?
Looks like we'll be making "healthcare forms and bills" a new mandatory course for our 8th graders soon so my grandkids can read my friggin' medical bills and see who I really owe what to and who owes me what, and who I can really give a shit about,.....or not!

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Monday, April 10, 2006

From my "1984" period

Paradise lost, then regained…a personal retrospective


Preface: While looking ahead, into Alice’s Looking Glass, we are but hoping. While I don’t do drugs, am a staunch conservative republican, and, as do you , look forward to the best of all opportunities in our area, my mind wandered. Not to be negative, nor a “doomsayer”, but what if this is what our future were to hold for us?

Dateline: Destin, Fl January 31, 2010

It is Friday, and I am looking forward, as I’m sure you are as well, to this coming weekend. For the first time in almost one hundred years there will be something to really celebrate. For February 1, 2010 will forever be known as “Tax Freedom Day”.
Ever since we got involved in the Middle East in 2003 everything around here had gone to hell, the country lost faith in the Republican party, and things changed. But this weekend President Clinton is going to announce the end of all Federal Income Tax, in a nationwide address on television to the people, at 1pm on Saturday afternoon.
She had committed to do it in her first term, and by God before her second term has ended she had pulled it off! The Middle East conflict is just about over, and the UN is now firmly entrenched as the sovereign government of that entire region.
After the Iraq fiasco bogged down in the summer of ’03, the crazy Israeli’s dropped a small tactical nuclear device on Baghdad, on July 4th, and all hell broke loose. Hussein had a bunch of the old “dirty bombs” and set them off in Jerusalem, and Cairo. The Saudi’s then made a grab for Israel, the Jordanians went after Syria, and the Russians just plowed through Afghanistan and Pakistan, as “long overdue reparations”. It was utter chaos!
No one knew who was running world anymore, and the United Nations seemed to be the only voice of moderation and reason. It took the U.N. two years, but they negotiated a cease-fire amongst everyone, including us.
By then our whole economy was shot anyway. Unemployment had risen to 19.5%; companies were pulling back and laying off tens of thousands of workers everywhere. Home mortgages defaults were so numerous that the banks and mortgage companies stopped foreclosing on them to preserve what capital they had left, and it was getting down right ‘dicey’ just trying to stay alive and put food on the table every day.
The big medical insurance bailout of 2004 was a total disaster. It was a last ditch effort by the conservatives to solidify their hold on the government, Congress and the Senate. Everyone but the insurance companies had opted out of it. Private “cash only” hospitals, doctors, and dentists were popping up everywhere, pricing became reasonable, so they could feed their own families and stay open. The welfare system also totally collapsed in ’04, and it was almost like a scene from that old 20th century movie “Mad Max”.
No one came to the Emerald Coast to vacation anymore. All those “vacation” home mortgages, condo mortgages and time-share contracts defaulted. The rental companies all went bankrupt, and thousands of service sector jobs disappeared. Gradually the malls became nothing but empty storefronts. Everyone with cash was buying up all the real property, cheap, and renting it to anyone who paid some cash. Of course they weren’t maintaining it anymore, and all the cheap quick buck construction from the late nineties began showing up big time.
National ID cards were issued in 2004, a requirement of the Homeland Defense Act of 2002 that no one remembered actually being in it. No one was allowed in South Walton County unless their National ID card was endorsed “Resident”.
The “prescription drug cost riots” of ’04 had also really taken their toll. No company in their right mind would even think of opening a pharmacy here any more. If you were fortunate enough to be able to pay a doctor and get a prescription you had to go all the way to the Fort Eglin Federal Compound Pharmacy to get it filled.
Walton County had also really suffered from the unpaid property tax revenue, and the withdrawal of federal and state highway funds. By late ‘05 they were down to about five working Sheriff’s patrol cars, so they never even come over the bridges to the Destin or Santa Rosa Beach area anymore.
Several local entrepreneurs opened casinos, and gambling parlors, even though it was against the law, no one ever dared try and stop them. At first it was great, money flowing everywhere, but like everything does, it soon became corrupted. First it was the arrival, or should I say the ‘emergence’ of the ‘party girls’. The world’s oldest profession was about one of the only one’s that was still thriving, particularly here. Then came the fugitives. The word had gotten out and this area turned into the fugitive, renegade, and outlaw capital of the United States. Morality, religion, and ethics vanished overnight.
The decent folks either moved out, and up north, or got eaten alive by the new lawlessness.
By ‘05 the Governor had the National Guard fence off the old Seaside area as a State AIDS containment compound. Any person from the area diagnosed with AIDS was taken to the Seaside compound, their national ID confiscated, and once past the twelve foot patrolled electrified chain link fence,…well they never came out again. But the party crowd still kept partying, it was the height of the old “eat, drink, and be merry” lifestyle …..that is, until the fall of ’06.
Conditions had gotten so bad here by the summer of ’06 the President ordered all water supplies to the island be turned off, as well as electricity, and gas. She then blockaded all shipments of everything to the island, including food, medicine, and the staples of life. The Brooks Bridge, the Mid-bay, the 331, and the Carrillon Bridge were all closed, and blocked by the Florida National Guard.
By the end of September in ’06, people began dying in large numbers. Those that were still alive were indiscriminately shooting anyone that vaguely annoyed them, or had food. Rapes became as commonplace as palmetto bugs, and it was evident that not even anarchy could survive this containment. On October 16th it ended. The National guard, supported by the army, under the direction of FEMA, moved in and began the mop up operations.
It then took the government a whole year to clean up the place, removing the bodies to mass graves in Freeport, burning the rat and bug infested buildings, and literally killing off any remaining resisters When it was all done over 27,000 men, women, and children had died..
The Federal government then spent billions refurbishing the Emerald Coast and turned it into the very first Federal Vacation Sanctuary.
Nowadays, if you work hard, keep your nose clean, and aren’t convicted of a felony, every five years you can get a free Federal Vacation Allowance for one week at one of the new HUD condo’s on the island. Of course your children, if you have any, must be at least “B” students, all your bills must be paid up to date, and a recommendation by your employer must be provided as well, to qualify.
When Hillary Clinton was first elected President in 2004, and proposed the Federal Vacation Sanctuary Bill to Congress in ’04-’05, it met with mixed emotions, and barely passed. But since establishing the Emerald Coast Sanctuary it has really caught on. As I write this in fact, they are in the process of the final gassing of the Manhattan area in Old New York for the new Northeast National Cultural Sanctuary. President Clinton has promised the museums, Broadway theaters, and the entire cultural heritage of the United States will be embodied in this wonderful new sanctuary, without the filth, crime, or “undesirables” which used to prowl it’s streets.
More Sanctuaries are already planned, for the San Francisco Bay area, and what used to be the Los Angeles area, before the “Big One”, the devastating earthquake of November 2004 reduced it to rubble and the loss of 1.4 million lives.
I never in my wildest imagination, thought that the “United American Business Act” for the nationalization of all of American businesses in ‘05, that provided central government accounting, ownership, and control of business, would work. I guess I was wrong. In the three years, since the nationalization, workers wages have sky rocketed, the old corporate “golden parachutes deals” of the executives were all outlawed and reversed by the Supreme Court, unemployment has dropped to less than one quarter of a percent, and we are getting back on track as a nation.
Since the nationalization program totally took effect in ’06, all the corporate profits have been used to payoff the Federal Deficit, increase all workers wages to $75,000 per year per fulltime worker, and finally, last year, the Citizens Health Care and Retirement Act was fully funded and passed. Now all medical, dental and retirement income is 100% federally funded!
And then the news this past week that the President “leaked” about the complete elimination of the Federal Income Tax Program,…well everyone is totally ecstatic.
She has delivered on all her campaign promises, and the next election promises to be the most pivotal one in the history of our nation. We have decided to revoke the “two-term restriction” portion of the old succession amendment and change it to a “President for Life” status. She has literally led us out of darkness and into the light, and deserves it. And then there are several other amendments we are going to vote on as well.
Aside from the “Free College for Every Child Act” we passed two years ago, the President has proposed a new “Free Master’s Degree Scholarship Program” for all college graduates with a GPA of 3.4 or better!
The “Execution Bill” which mandates the death penalty with no appeals, for any second offence for any criminal felony, will pass overwhelmingly, we want the criminals punished forever, and not living off our governments dollars for twenty-five years of appeals. And the “Hemlock Bill” which allows heirs to “expedite” their loved ones with democratically assissted suicide after a majority vote of the surviving family will pass, and finally, at last, that stupid pregnant pig amendment from 2000 will be reversed!
Incidentally “The Isolationist Act of 2005”, her very first piece of legislation after being elected, is working fantastically! We allow no one but American Citizens, with a valid American National ID Card, in our country. They can’t visit, they can’t go to school, and since we did away with welfare those that we had here all had to go back to where they came from. If they refused, they were ajudicated a “mandate” of life imprisonment in Fort Idaho or Fort Rhode Island, the two new Federal Permanent Internment and Resettlement Facilities, from which no parole, pardon, or release is allowed.
Part of the” International World Wide Peace Agreement” with the United Nations provided that we agree to withdraw from everyplace in the world we then had “military, or other non-diplomatic personnel” back to our own country, and in exchange we were granted the right to use surgically targeted, tactical nuclear weapons in lieu of conventional military methods, forces and equipment, to maintain our complete sovereignty and way of life against any non UN country. The UN agreed to discipline their own nations, and since we are still on the all powerful Security Council which administers the punishment, it was a win-win for us.
Without the need for a large, expensive military, it’s huge costs and it’s overhead, money became the least of our worries. The late Senator Ted Kennedy subsequently proposed the first “Uniform Annual Compensation Act”, which leveled the playing field for every American worker. It eliminated the “poor”, it eliminated the “rich”, and it guaranteed every worker $50,000 a year salary, regardless of job, title, or education. Originally, in ’04, it failed to pass, but after President Clinton’s Business Nationalization Act was passed the next year, it was resurrected and breezed through. Now, a scant three years later, it’s reached $75,000 guaranteed annual income per worker!
And, if the GNP next year reaches President Clinton’s national goal, every worker will get a $5,000 cash bonus check from the government! This is an even more compelling reason why we must all work together for that goal, and insure every other worker does as well.
Well, things are finally looking up and positive here on the Emerald Coast after nearly a decade of chaos. We still have the old “Walton County Sign Ordinance” from the mid-nineties, and a few other old laws, but by and large things have gotten a lot better.
The renewal of our old national ethics of hard work, the belief in the equality of all mankind, and the ultimate perfection of our democratic way of life have led us to this great achievement.
And even some of the old “unwritten rights” have been modified and brought back, life is really good. .
For example, every certified worker has a “permit-chip” in their ID card which entitles them to two cold beers, or one cocktail, each day after work, at any pub, bar or restaurant …for free. Even though legally you are not allowed more than two drinks a day, regardless of who you are, per Surgeon General. Jack Kevorkian II, people don’t mind.
All tobacco, and tobacco products, were outlawed three years ago, completely! And the Federal Department of Stress Reduction hotline has been instrumental in reducing stress everywhere across our great land. As a matter of fact, the other night I was getting uptight about my bosses comments, threatening to not print this column in this weeks paper, so I called them. By ten o’clock the next day he had been transferred to the Lisbon, Maine Gazette, as it’s new editor,…the system really does work!!
We have come so far in the last ten years, it’s incredible!

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Sunday, April 09, 2006

The economics of a pie

The economics of a pie
Once upon a time there was a warm, delicious smelling pie sitting on the windowsill of the Emerald Coast. As the lure of it’s smell wafted though out the entire area more and more people began to salivate and lust for a piece of the pie. Eventually the pie cooled sufficiently to be sliced and partaken of by all those around. But then a most serious problem arose,…the number of people wanting a piece of the pie began to increase almost geometrically to a point that seemed to be unreasonable!
The cook looked out the window and immediately sensed this as being more than a serious problem, but one bordering on almost catastrophic. The first thought in the cook’s mind was that by slicing smaller pieces, more could be fed, and the dilemma would be solved. But each time the cook served a piece, and looked up to hand it out, she noticed the crowd of anxious pie-eaters had become even larger,…so she began to slice smaller slices.
Pretty soon it was evident that even that was going to be woefully short in meeting the demand for the pie. As the pressure grew and the crowds surged in, becoming a little more hostile and ruder, the cook had an idea. She grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled “”Slice of pie …$5.00” and put it on the windowsill. The crowd pulled back a little, but only momentarily, then it resurged. She quickly grabbed the sign, and put a “1” before the five, making it $15 a slice, the crowd ebbed again, but only momentarily. She began to slice furiously, trying to keep up with the demand, to no avail. A new swell of demand began rising from the crowds, so again she grabbed the crayon and scratched out the “$15” and replaced it with “$100”, but the crowd kept surging, gleefully shoving hands full of dollars at her and demanding their piece.
Then she heard a voice from back in the line somewhere, “I’ll give you $200 for a slice!”, so she beckoned the voice forward and took the money, then she heard a voice say “$300”, and she took the money and handed out another sliver of her pie. As the dollars piled up and the pie plate got barer the cook was consumed with greed, “Who’ll give me $500 for a slice?”, she called out as she sliced the remaining pie into even smaller pieces, thinking about taking that round the world cruise she always dreamed of in her younger days.
And then the pie was all gone.
The crowds began to come to their senses and noticed how small their pieces were, but noticed all the other people who had no pie. So they began to sell their pieces at outrageous sums to the other people who had none, but fistfuls of dollars with which to buy the slice. One or two entrepreneurs cut their slices into even smaller pieces and sold them all as well. And the crowds grew bigger and bigger, all lusting for a piece of the pie.
The cook, now wealthy beyond her imagination, began to look around and noticed her lawn and beautiful rose bushes were all torn up and crushed, her neat picket fence was a shambles, and the entire area was covered with litter and crumbs. She was torn between the fortune she made with her pie, and the devastation of her once neat and pretty yard and property.
That night while she slept a storm blew in from the Gulf of Mexico and further added to the mess and devastation in her yard. She woke up to a totally different place from that which she knew yesterday morning, but now she was comforted by her bulging bank account, no more worries about health care costs, being able to send both her children and their children to the most elite and expensive schools for an education, retirement, and just freedom from the everyday stress of worry. “And they say money can’t buy happiness”, she sighed and began making another pie. For now she knew the cost of a piece of the pie would never be too expensive for some, and those that could not afford it would simply have to eat cake instead!
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