"Times up,....put down your pencils!"

Yep! That's what's running through my head today. So off we go to write about it,( and whereever my mind goes during this writing period!)
Ok, I mentioned this correspondance course I've got to have completed and be tested on by the 24th of March. You know the one I've been procrastinating on doing since last September! It's not that it's difficult, or even trying, but it is a redundant testing procedure that bugs me! First I have to pick a proctor (test overseer) from this book they provided with the course. (No problem, there's one about ten miles from the house.) Next I have to notify, er, excuse me, "ask" the proctor if he would be interested in accomodating me and giving me the exam. (Still no problem because these proctors have all reached the pinnicle of my profession accreditation wise and they would no sooner think of giving you a "free ride" than the Doctor who is ok with overlooking your 3 pack a day cigarette habit during your annual physical!) Then I have to fill in the proctors name, address and phone number and mail it back on the appropriate form to the national headquarters of this particular accreditation group. (Again, piece of cake!) Then in ten days, after checking with the proctor that he has agreed and will administer the test, oversee it, make sure I don't cheat, etc.etc. the National place will send him the test directly to his home addresss so I can't even steam it open, or better yet use my X-ray vision on the envelope. (Hmmmm, let's see, I'm into this for $395 for the course, 37 cents for the letter to them telling them who was going to be my proctor, not bad so far!) The proctor tells me when he has the test, I make an appointment within ten days after that and take the test. He then signs hos life away vowing on his first born's life and whatever else is sacred that it was properly administered, he witnessed me take it, he has copies of my driver's licence to accompany this test I completed, and his professional reputation and accreditation will be "pulled" if it ever happens that he lied, I cheated, and/or anything else "improper" occured. (Whew!!! Glad that's all done.)
Now he mails it back to the national office, they grade it, and in about two weeks I get the word by mail, pass or fail, no grade, just pass/fail.(Great, now I know, but now, as Paul Harvey says, "the rest of the story".)
IF I pass this test I then get the privelege of driving about 90 miles to an outside independant testing service and taking another computerized test on the same material! The only good news is that is an "instant grade" and I know within 60 seconds of handing in my "pass card" which allowed me to log on to the computer to take the test in the first place, then my driver's licience picture forwarded to the testing center from the national accreditation center, who got it from the original proctor, and they compare that to my licience by asking me to show it to them after I finish the test and put a "code" into the computer, and "voila" in ten seconds it says "Pass" or "Fail" and they print me a copy at the same time it is electronically sent back to the National Acreditation center!You still with me here? So you think it's over now? Nope!,..read on.
Then I get to fill out a ten page form, have it notarized by my employer, send a copy of my State issued licience for my profession, read and sign off on a four page "Code of Ethics" of my profession, and send it to the National Office. Oh yeah, I forgot the Cashiers Check for two hundred and fifty bucks that "must be enclosed to be considered". THEN in about four weeks I get a congratulations letter authorizing me to put the four little letters of certification after my name. (Oh by the way I get to renew them every other year for on $150, and by the way since I'm getting two professional acreditations double the money!!
The good news is that my Company will pop for $500 for each accreditation I get so all is not lost, and I break even on the "Dollars". But as the National Center always says, "This acreditation will show your professional credentials as certified nationally and increse your earning capacity by at least 50%"
I'm thrilled,....did anyone tell my boss that? Or is groveling and threatening still the best way to get a raise?
In two more years of experiance, two more courses (which I'll have both completed in the next six months) I get to be the "top gun" designation in my field, sort of the Phd. of property management "professionals"
If my timing is right the "Inside a vicious racket" expose I'm writing in my spare time and that designation will both come within the same month! Then we'll see which pays more being a "highly respected, nationally recognized professional" , or the "deep throat" of an industry.
Any bets?
-30-

I am a fundamentally lazy shit!

Yup, it's true. The "pit" is still in disarray from three or four weeks ago when my wife suggested better "fung shei" or whatever it is. There are still six stereo speakers, two or three recievers (all from different lives of yesteryear.), an old 19" TV(that's going to my new office so I can track (God forbid they hit here!) Hurricanes this year, and other assorted shit I said I'd take care of three weeks ago. (sigh!)
Oh and in the process I found this correspondance course I had signed up for about four months ago that I just got to busy to do (quick call and got the deadline extended to April 1st,...oh shit that's only a couple weeks away!)I did the only practical thing for a procrastinater to do with it. I mailed in the accompanying request for the test and proctor and set the date as March 25th, (that motivates me to "gitter dun!". It's not like I don't want to take it, it means a $500 bonus if I pass it, a bevy of little letters after my name on buiness cards, it ups my annual salary value about $10,000, and makes me a really attractive person to hi-jack away from my company for more money! Looks like the pit will go on hold until I finish this course! Oh and I signed up for another, classroom this time, two course, one in May, and one in August! (Glutton for punishment?) When I found out I could get a $500 bonus for each one I passed from my company, enhanced my earning power by a total of 200% if I get the highest level (total of six courses and a "time in grade" factor of three years),...well shit, at the rate I'm taking them I can have it all and be at the educational pinnicle of my profession and salary potential within 18 more months and pick up a cool three thousand in bonuses along the way! What the hell, call me "getting educated" at 62.
Ooops! that's next week. B-day is the 22nd, and even though I'm eligible for the monthly Social Security payment, I'm going to put it off until I'm 65 so I can get the max rate and have no earning "cap" on what I can make. All I got to hope and pray is that our elite cadre of idiot politicians don't screw it all up for me! But then again if they do,...hell you'll read about me in the headlines and on CNN Headline news, see me walking with the leg irons and handcuffs, watch me sitting passively at the defendants table in my attractive international orange jump suit, for the six weeks of the trial and learn all about how society abused me, and I was a victim of my environment, and all that other happy horse shit! Bottom line? Like everyone else in this country I would then be given a "clean and well lighted palce" as Hemingway once wrote, three square meals a day, access to a library, TV, a defined exercise program, etc. etc., and even if they awarded me the death penalty the average American convicted and given the death penalty, spends about sixteen to eighteen years until it's carried out! What with appeals, all the bennies, free medical, dental, food, shelter etc. Shit by them I'd be in my 80's and propbably ready to discuss the "end game"!
Why is it politicains are such freakin' idiots? And how do I get a piece of that action? Let's talk about somneone who earns respect. Who in Washington D.C. has earned respect? My one candidate for it is Senator McCain of Arizona. Seven years in captivity as a Prisoner of War, a diet of rice and bugs, daily beatings, and just all round shit,...that man deserves respect! What the hell has Barack, Hillary, Mr. Hillary, or most of those other losers on the hill done to earn my respect of them?
Boy, how'ed I get to this rant! Guess it's just a Saturday morning plenty of sleep, some free time today, and the weekly venting process. Sorry kids, I ranteth too much today!
-30-

Peace & Quiet,....aaaaaahh!!

My first blog from my new office. No furniture, no storage, but me, Mr. Guinness, my brand spanking new 17" Dell laptop, my Blackberry, and "a clean and well lighted place".
My laptop is on an old glass top patio table, my butt in an old patio chair, and the peace and quiet is OUTSTANDING!!!
More later, right now I better do some work!
Mr. Guinness, signing off from my office on the Gulf of Mexico!

So remind me how this "newer and better" blog format is again!

Only a personal complaint, sorry. When I'm ready to write I just want a one click solution, not four or five screens asking me passwords and user names and google words! Ok , on to the blog today.
I mentioned moving my office and yesterday the company got me a new laptop, holy shit are they getting bigger or what. This one is a brand new Dell 17" screen running the new "vista" operating system. (Super, now I can use the vista that came with my new laptop and upgrade my old laptop and my console unit! Cool!)
Now they just come over and drop this computer on my desk, with the recharger unit, and the "emergency backup O/S CD", plunk there it is have a great day! DUH!! like how am I supposed to drag this thing around with me? No case, nothing. But I was so excited getting it I figured I'd just bop on down to the local Office mega stores and kill an hour or so deciding which case I wanted. (Perhaps the "...rich Corinthian leather" as Ricardo Montelban used to purr for Chrysler cars) Man they had bunches of them and I was like in pig heaven. I did an inital pass of the aisle, glancing at the styles and colors and all. I ruled out the "back pack" models. (Shit can you imagine a 62 year old dude slinging a backpack over his shoulder? Either a broken shoulder, thrown out back, or shattered spine would probably ensue! I'm smiling becasue I can see it! In fact, true story here, about forty years ago when I began working in Boston I had one of those 5" thick leather attache cases that I dragged on the bus, the train, the hike across town, and in and out, every damn day! After about a year or so my back really began bothering me. At twenty something I was really nervous, you know two toddlers, young wife, and possibly some dire prognosis from the Doctor as to my longevity because of some foreign virus thingy! Long story short afteer x-rays, feeling around my back, etc, etc. etc. he tells me he can't find anything wrong. Now that's even scarier, I'm now sure I have contracted some hitherto unknown new nasty thing and will be dead in six months and just be a footnote in some article in ten years in the New England Journal of Medicine! So he gives me a few lame exercises and tells me drop back in on Tuesday morning and let him see if it's any better. "I've got to work Tuesday" I told him, (That was back when a doctor would see you in the evening after working hours) I said ok becasue now I was really getting up tight about it.
So on Tuesday I run by his office on the way to work, he asks me if it's feeling any better, I say NO!, he does one of those "Hmmm"'s I get up to leave and pick up my attache case and he says, "Do you carry that thing around every day?" "Sure" I replied "I do some work on the train and the bus, I need something to put it in." May I see it for a minute", he asks. "Sure" and I stretch my hand out so he can grab it. "God! How much does this weigh?" he asks. I don't know I never weighed it. He takess it over to the scales, weighs it and tapping the attache case he says, "Theres your back pain. Let me guess you carry it only in your left hand, right?" "Yeah, why?" Becasue it weighs over twenty five pounds dummy! Either leave it at home, get rid of the 5" one and get a two inch one, or change jobs,...and come see me next month after you've dumped this anchor for a month! Damned if he wasn't right on!
Now I'm sixty two, getting another "attache case" a/k/a "laptop case", preparing to lug it around, "hmmmm." I guess if my back begins to ache again I won't have to spend money on the Doctor this time, and just get another job, or ask for a raise so I can hire some "neanderthal" from the gym to "carry my shit" around. :)
Well off to the store with the Laptop for a case. So why didn't I buy one yestrday? Because they all had tags saying "fits up to 15.9" laptops" mine has a 17" screen, I came home and tryed my own laptop case to see if it fit, Nope, over an inch too small. Now Don Quioxte goes into battle again seeking to slay the "too small" bags and find one that will work!
-30-

Saturday is the lonliest day of the week

Very true> Take today, I got up with the intentions of going over to check a jobsite in neighboring Panama City Beach. I figured Saturday, most of the workers will be off and I can poke around and really see what kind of progress they are making. Ah, but alas I turned on my 'puter. I was just going to check the bank balances, but one thing led to another and the next thing you know it's cup #3 of coffee, scrounging around in the mail pile for the W-2's (U.S. Income Tax forms that tell you how much you have to declare for tax purposes.)And before you know it the 8:30 a.m. bank balance check turned into 1pm! But I got them done!! And I am supposed to get a refeund back, but that never happens (I'm still going round and round with them and theysimply keep my mpney and "offset it" against the bogus numbers they think I owe them! I'm tempted to rant about the IRS (Internal Revenue Service) but everyone already knows they are the Devil's own spawn, the personification of evil, and soon enough will learn that we dealt with the same shit in 1776 and won.
But I won't, rant that is. Instead I'll rave on about petty shit. One of my accounts has an old wireless "g" router and an access point that won't even service half the building because of it's range. That was until this morning when my maintenance guy called to tell me the whole thing "crashed" and how he'd go get a new one and set it up. To which I said "NO!" I really get pissed at this guy because he wants to find any reason to do "projects" instead of clean the damn place, which is why he's there! "Well, you know a lot of the residents are going to be upset." "OK, and what's your point? Tell them no internet access until monday or tuesday, tell them you're not in the loop, tell them stick it up thier,...no, on second thought just tell them you'll let some one know and then shut the hell up, no opinions, no comments, no how you could go get anew one and install it, not another god damn word, do you understand me? Are we very clear on this?"
I swear sometimes he breaks things just so he can have a "project" instead of emptying the trash, deodorizing the dumpsters and trash cans, vacuuming the carpets, cleaning out the rest rooms, and that mouth! I'm about a hair's breath away from sending him to another property where he will be eaten alive by angry obnoxious old farts whose goal in life is a 24/7 bitch session!
So I went out this afternoon , researched this wireless technology and wound up with a new wireless "n" router that will go four times the range with 12 times the speed and allow up to 125 simpoultaneous connections. I'll go and learn how to install it tomorrow afternoon before the Super (yawn!) Bowl.
Now that's going to be one hell of a boring game, Chicago and Indianapolis, like who cares aside from folks from those two cities. It's more of a local thing versus the East Coast/ West Coast or North versus South kind of thing. Let me go out on a limb here, but the winning team will be from the Mid-West! DUH! who really cares, except the City of Miami which stands to make all the money.
Anyhow, I am ranting, aren't I? Then there was the matter of,....no forget it for tonight. More tomorrow on the world according to Mr. Guinness
-30-