This job I have now is the first one I've ever had where I'm in a "cubicle". I really think this is why workers have become mushrooms (i.e. kept in the dark, covered with shit, and supposedly "growing" in the company! Bull shit! In the "olden days" of office workers it was like a big open football field of people, desks etc. Even the file cabinets were somewhere else that you would have to walk to. Nothing was over 30 inches high so you had unlimited vision and could see a lot of things. Now for all the women out there it meant that you knew exactly who was wearing what, etc. And for the guys it meant the little blonde with the great bod could be ooogled "at will". Now all there is is the damn cubicle! If you stand up the only way you can see anyone is if they are over 6 foot tall, or have either very distinctive hair color (God! Why did she use that color on her hair it looks like a rusty fire engine!) Or in the case of guys "Male pattern baldness" or again the distinctive hair styling. (Man if he ever tried to comb that he'd need a stainless steel horse comb!)
But those days are just about over. I'm moving out of the office to some office space in one of my clients buildings. (Lots of perks!! A full gym, and I mean full, a hot tub, a swimming pool, overlooking the Gulf of Mexico from a height of fifty feet, a gated underground parking garage,....I da' man!!) Ok so I get the use of the gym, but not the rest,...but I can dream can't I? Actually the old maintainence man I used to have at that property was an old "biker" and when there was an apartment in the building empty, that's where he'd crash, weekends at the pool, used to bring over a few of his "biker bimbo's" on the weekend and a case of Bud and hang out at the pool. He was a little scarry becasue none of the owners wanted to tell me about it for fear of retribution. When I did find out I let him go immediateely and kept the eye in the back of my head open for a couple of months, changed all the locks and gate codes, you know the usual "Oh shit" reactionary things.
But again I stray. This new office will at least get me out of the Office and the dreaded "cubicle". I guess I'll stick my head in the GM's office and inquire about the new furniture for the office and see what's said. The new office is equi-distant from my home so no big change there. But my paranoid littel organization insists we come pick up our mail at least four times a week so I'll be "popping by" the old office periodically anyway.
Oh and the latest "big brother" toy, I escaped from from it. The company bought all of us managers new telephones. These Motorola "Q"'s. It's a blackberry type "wunderkind" phone. Has a built in camera, calendar, e-mail features, organizer , etc. oh yeah and you can make and recieve calls on it as well! BUT, (ah yes the mandatory "BUT") it has a piece of software that resides on the companies server, and supposedly it "synch's" your phone periodically. In plain English it let's your phone talk to the server, and it talks back. Or is that in another paranoid context, your phone rats you out to Big Brother. "Why did you call Joe-Joe the bookie twelve times this past week end, he's not a client. And what about the followup you said you did, the phone can foind no record of any e-mail activity or telephone calls between you and the client, and while we are at it the built in GPS indicated your phone was at the beach all afternoon Wednesday, I thought you said you were visiting your key clients all Wednesday afternoon?"
But my Blackberry and I remain resolute and independant, and as a sort of "bribe" not to tell my fellow workers of the "Big brother plot" I was allowed to keep my Blackberry and they even offered me a token monthly stipend to offset the costs!
Speaking of which, loyal readers, I just glanced up and I've got eleven minutes to shower, shave, get dressed, get to the office, and be a useful "troll" in the corporate arena for the day! (Looks like I'm going to be "on property" for the next hour or so before appearing live and in color at the office, or as Ed McMahon used to drawl,.."heeeeeeres Mr. Guinness"
Have a great day and don't try and follow me!
:)
-30-
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Sorry folks, the last one was my annual "snowbird" rant!
Well, it's like Al Pacino said in GFIII, "Just when you think you're out they drag you back in!"
After about six years of "the pit" residing in it's "typical" feng shui my loving wife "suggested" I look at re-arranging it a bit. Well five hours later, sweating like a Kentucky derby winner, here I am amidst "piles" again!
The two, no not one, but two, six foot bookcases went from one wall to the other, not bad, but both had to be completely emptied moved, and then re-loaded. (God love the Dude who invented those little "moving men" gizmos or I'd be dictating this to my night nurse inside my body cast, me inside the cast not her, but it does pose an interesting image!) They are different sizes but essentially the ones I love are about as big as an oversized saucer, made of plastic, have a foam type of pad on the saucer and looks like nothing special. But if you tip whatever you want, slide one of these under each corner, and voila, it's like drawing a knife through butter to push or pull whatever you're moving. "And now back to the originally scheduled story."
So anyway, I began sorting through the stuff and making "piles", you know the efficient, organized way of approaching the situation. There was a "supplies" pile, that's for paper for the printer, pads of lined paper (assorted sizes), looseleaf binders, writing paper(resume and "official" shit), pens, paperclips, etc. etc. Well suffice it to say the "supplies" pile is big enough to open a small Office Depot store! Then there was the "BC era" or the "before computers", that consists of my "blogs" going back to the late 1960's. Before computers they were simply called "theraputic journals", and since no one came over the house and found them and sat down and started reading them (interpret in 2007 as "hits") thay have just languished in boxes, drawers, and stuff. (Really mad idea here of posting a few or even starting another blog called "The time machine,...rantings from before blogs"
This was my "renaissance period" as a writer, then I discovered I didn't have to starve, hangout in coffee shops and bookstores, and be ignored,....I could just start a blog! (So that's how we got here, but the forty years of rantings are still available, and the Library of Congress is not knocking at my door for them.
Then there are the computer books, a pile of at least sixty of them, from "Mosaic made easy"( if you need to ask what "Mosaic " is you never witnessed the origins of the wheel!) And "Netscape Beta for beginners", or how about "TCP/IP; a survival guide for users (dated 1983!) and Photoshop v 2.0, Pagemaker v2.3 to 7.0
and "PC's for dummies", or a hundred other such titles. More programs, manuals, templates, and floppy discs going in the trash. It will take about three weeks for the trash guys to get it all. In todays world if you put out too much they just leave it and ignore you!
And then there was my "big red looseleaf" it's a five inch, heavy duty one, in which I cronicle all my business plans, new business concepts and research, etc. I got enough in that to teach three semesters of "Entreprenuerial Development" courses as well as a Phd dissertation. (sigh! it should get the heave ho, but it won't, it's my business mind on speed!)
And the dreaded audio-tapes (cassettes), CD's, and almost twenty-five , no probably over thirty five years of "collecting". Boy what a sorting party that's going to be! And you know not a single one will get pitched! It's music man! It would be somekind of Federal offense to throw music away,...at least!
And I guess it's ok to think about throwing out the pre-2000 income tax returns(yep! got'em al the way back to 1985! And I'm still making the same thing? That sucks, but then again the "same thing" went a lot farther so I guess it's not that my income has not kept pace, but my "overhead" is bonkers!
(Speaking of which I found a new way to drop dead quickly, live in Florida and sit down and open your home owners insurance re-newal package! This shit has to end it's killing us!!! In 2000 when I bought this townhouse my total homeowners insurance, including "Hurricane Insurance" as only $600. My "preferred client", with the "no claims ever filed" discount, and the 2% deductible for 2007 is $5,163.00!!!!
And the easy payment plan (100% in our hands by March 12th or you are cancelled) it's no wonder more folks are going postal! That's over 16.1% of my GROSS annual income (Yo, Doug, you got a spare room?) The deductible is over $6000 by itself. So in plain English I get to pay the insurance company $5,163 for the policy, get to eat the first $6,000 worth of the claim, get to pony up at leat $5,000 more to get a new roof when mine blows away in the hurricane, haave to wait for them to decide IF theyare going to cover the rest of the cost of the new roof (about $10,000 total),hmmmmmm, ...seems to me this really sucks the big one! And guess what, if you have a mortgage you MUST carry it. Plus you think the bank gives a shit if your roof blew off? But be one week late with the mortgage payment, hurricane or no hurricane, and you are worse than Jeffrey Dahmer, or John Wayne Gacy as far as thier Rottweiler Department (asshole telephone collection dudes and dudettes) are concerned.
Well this has gotten my blood pumping sufficiently that I can get ready to go to work now, but GOD HELP the first asshole snowbird or "illegal parking" Nazi that has the misfortune of dialing my number today. They may wish they stayed in the womb, or better yet had not been concieved! (Yeah, I got attitude today, and I need to kick somebodies cat becasue it's only 7:30 am, too early to go have a pint and calm down.
I'm sensing a 2 prozac kind of day!
-30-
After about six years of "the pit" residing in it's "typical" feng shui my loving wife "suggested" I look at re-arranging it a bit. Well five hours later, sweating like a Kentucky derby winner, here I am amidst "piles" again!
The two, no not one, but two, six foot bookcases went from one wall to the other, not bad, but both had to be completely emptied moved, and then re-loaded. (God love the Dude who invented those little "moving men" gizmos or I'd be dictating this to my night nurse inside my body cast, me inside the cast not her, but it does pose an interesting image!) They are different sizes but essentially the ones I love are about as big as an oversized saucer, made of plastic, have a foam type of pad on the saucer and looks like nothing special. But if you tip whatever you want, slide one of these under each corner, and voila, it's like drawing a knife through butter to push or pull whatever you're moving. "And now back to the originally scheduled story."
So anyway, I began sorting through the stuff and making "piles", you know the efficient, organized way of approaching the situation. There was a "supplies" pile, that's for paper for the printer, pads of lined paper (assorted sizes), looseleaf binders, writing paper(resume and "official" shit), pens, paperclips, etc. etc. Well suffice it to say the "supplies" pile is big enough to open a small Office Depot store! Then there was the "BC era" or the "before computers", that consists of my "blogs" going back to the late 1960's. Before computers they were simply called "theraputic journals", and since no one came over the house and found them and sat down and started reading them (interpret in 2007 as "hits") thay have just languished in boxes, drawers, and stuff. (Really mad idea here of posting a few or even starting another blog called "The time machine,...rantings from before blogs"
This was my "renaissance period" as a writer, then I discovered I didn't have to starve, hangout in coffee shops and bookstores, and be ignored,....I could just start a blog! (So that's how we got here, but the forty years of rantings are still available, and the Library of Congress is not knocking at my door for them.
Then there are the computer books, a pile of at least sixty of them, from "Mosaic made easy"( if you need to ask what "Mosaic " is you never witnessed the origins of the wheel!) And "Netscape Beta for beginners", or how about "TCP/IP; a survival guide for users (dated 1983!) and Photoshop v 2.0, Pagemaker v2.3 to 7.0
and "PC's for dummies", or a hundred other such titles. More programs, manuals, templates, and floppy discs going in the trash. It will take about three weeks for the trash guys to get it all. In todays world if you put out too much they just leave it and ignore you!
And then there was my "big red looseleaf" it's a five inch, heavy duty one, in which I cronicle all my business plans, new business concepts and research, etc. I got enough in that to teach three semesters of "Entreprenuerial Development" courses as well as a Phd dissertation. (sigh! it should get the heave ho, but it won't, it's my business mind on speed!)
And the dreaded audio-tapes (cassettes), CD's, and almost twenty-five , no probably over thirty five years of "collecting". Boy what a sorting party that's going to be! And you know not a single one will get pitched! It's music man! It would be somekind of Federal offense to throw music away,...at least!
And I guess it's ok to think about throwing out the pre-2000 income tax returns(yep! got'em al the way back to 1985! And I'm still making the same thing? That sucks, but then again the "same thing" went a lot farther so I guess it's not that my income has not kept pace, but my "overhead" is bonkers!
(Speaking of which I found a new way to drop dead quickly, live in Florida and sit down and open your home owners insurance re-newal package! This shit has to end it's killing us!!! In 2000 when I bought this townhouse my total homeowners insurance, including "Hurricane Insurance" as only $600. My "preferred client", with the "no claims ever filed" discount, and the 2% deductible for 2007 is $5,163.00!!!!
And the easy payment plan (100% in our hands by March 12th or you are cancelled) it's no wonder more folks are going postal! That's over 16.1% of my GROSS annual income (Yo, Doug, you got a spare room?) The deductible is over $6000 by itself. So in plain English I get to pay the insurance company $5,163 for the policy, get to eat the first $6,000 worth of the claim, get to pony up at leat $5,000 more to get a new roof when mine blows away in the hurricane, haave to wait for them to decide IF theyare going to cover the rest of the cost of the new roof (about $10,000 total),hmmmmmm, ...seems to me this really sucks the big one! And guess what, if you have a mortgage you MUST carry it. Plus you think the bank gives a shit if your roof blew off? But be one week late with the mortgage payment, hurricane or no hurricane, and you are worse than Jeffrey Dahmer, or John Wayne Gacy as far as thier Rottweiler Department (asshole telephone collection dudes and dudettes) are concerned.
Well this has gotten my blood pumping sufficiently that I can get ready to go to work now, but GOD HELP the first asshole snowbird or "illegal parking" Nazi that has the misfortune of dialing my number today. They may wish they stayed in the womb, or better yet had not been concieved! (Yeah, I got attitude today, and I need to kick somebodies cat becasue it's only 7:30 am, too early to go have a pint and calm down.
I'm sensing a 2 prozac kind of day!
-30-
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Where have I been,...what have I been doing??
God, just happened to be on the 'puter and noticed I haven't written in a couple of weeks! Where have I been and what am I doing to have denied the world my wry and sage pile of shit to guide thier lives! Have no fear, for as my buddy Jack (Nicholson that is) says,...."I'mmmmm back!"
First of all to my friend Lucy enjoying the sun and beaches while I suffer through our "winter" (it's ONLY going to be 53 today, where is my fur coat and gloves!). Ok we neeed to cut a deal here. First you want Eliot, now I'm hearing rumblings about Denozo! Ok I'll settle for Catherine, Olivia, and throw in the Mossad chic since she'll have no one to beat on if you grab Denozo. Do we have a deal?
And to princess a/k/a/ Amber,don't worry about your sister on the beach, only the crazies from Minnasota and Canada think it's warm enough for that here. I live in a place called Destin (between Pensacola and Panama City) and those folks are the only ones to be seen in hot tubs and heated pools. (Oooh, oh! Evil thoughts entering my sick mind; perhaps if I turn the temp up on the hot tub high enough I can "boil" a few, or like we locals are so fond of saying, "If it's snowbird season how many can I bag?")
"Snowbird" - a subspecies from the American and Ontario provice of Canada. Fond of stealing salt and pepper shakers, packets of sugar and equal, ordering one meal and an extra plate, Academy Award acting skills "Oh, you mean I can get 2 dozen raw oysters on the half shell for only 99 cents,....oh how wonderful I didn't know that!" (Maybe that's because your mind is shot, and you've said the same thing everyday for the past six weeks when you come in strangely only between 5 pm and 6pm when the Oyster special is on!!) Usually of the higher end "senior citizen" level i.e. over 72 years old. Able to do thier own cooking channel show called "Dining for 32 cents a month,...everywhere we go!" or "secrets for free meals"
"Waiter, I hate to bother you, but this fried fish is so greasy it's making me nauseous, I think it may be undercooked or something, do we have to pay for this?"
Waiter Cha-che: "Well of course not the entire thing, I can understand that sir, now, let me see, 96% of the fried fish is eaten, all the salad and breadsticks, oh and there was that second order of crackers and butter, not to mention the half eaten potato that was undercooked as well and you sent back and we replaced with the whole new one, which by the way is also missing from the plate, including it's skin, ...hmmmm, with the adjustment for the Ketchup you mixed with the complimentary four or five glasses of water you asked for during your meal, ah, the tabasco sauce you also threw in with the Ketchup and water, salt and pepper, ....I can adjust your bill by $0.16, and of course that will include the reduction in the meals tax as well. Oh,...and the only favor I would ask is please don't leave the pennies as a tip, the two dimes and the nichol ok, and if you should drop a Quarter in for my attention to the detail of your dining experiance with us I would be most appreciative.
"Thank you waiter,....you've been so kind. Oh one more thing do you have about a dozen of those packets with the moist towelette in it, my fingers feel so greasy and those little things are so tiny!"
"But of course, I'll be right back with your change."
Multiply that scenario by 50 per night and that's snowbird season. And they bug the shit out of me in my job managing property as well.
As God is my judge, yesterday I get a call from one (Ontario province of course) telling me she lost $1.25 in the washing machine and wanted a refund immediately. I explained I would most likely be over on Monday or Tuesday and would give her the money back at that time, nice and friendly, smile in my voice, etc. THEN she says, "And what about last year, I lost another $1.25 last year, and no one gave me a refund, I want that back Monday too!!" (So I have $2.50 in quarters festering in our cat's litter box this weekend and I'll see she gets her $2.50 in quarters back on Monday! Is that prompt and efficient service or what?
And the pool temperature nazi's are all over the place.
"You advertised this pool was heated, and it's not I want a reduction in my rates, we came down here because you said it was heated, I don't want to have to call my attorney about false advertising and a consumer rip-off so you better do something for us!"
"Sir it is heated, we keep the pool at 79 degrees, the acknowledged standard by the American Red Cross for heating pools yet controlling bacterial growth"
"I don't give a shit we want it up to 90 degrees, my wife has arthritis and that makes it feel better."
"That's why we have a hot tub sir, have her try that."
"That little thing is so tiny she can't swim in it, it'll only accomdate four people all sitting still."
" Sir the additional costs of heatin the water to those levels you've indicated are extremely expensive and we can not afford it based on the rates you are paying. In fact sir I would be more than happy to refund your $600 for the remaining two months of your stay with us and give you the opportunity to seek other lodging with wamrer pools."
"What are you a smart ass! I ain't going some where else, the prices at the other places is almost 50% higher than here."
"Then sir I strongly suggest you shut the hell up or I'll turn the heat up so high this place will be the scene of the Coast's largest Boiled dinner and the cannibal "bubba's" from neighboring states will be raving about the spread for years to come! Oh, and have a nice day! :)
Aaaah! I guess I can but dream, but there's only 60 days left until they all fly north again to pester the shit out of thier own families and friends who can't afford to escape and be "troll trainees"
'ave a ruddy nice day, hey what,,....y'all!
First of all to my friend Lucy enjoying the sun and beaches while I suffer through our "winter" (it's ONLY going to be 53 today, where is my fur coat and gloves!). Ok we neeed to cut a deal here. First you want Eliot, now I'm hearing rumblings about Denozo! Ok I'll settle for Catherine, Olivia, and throw in the Mossad chic since she'll have no one to beat on if you grab Denozo. Do we have a deal?
And to princess a/k/a/ Amber,don't worry about your sister on the beach, only the crazies from Minnasota and Canada think it's warm enough for that here. I live in a place called Destin (between Pensacola and Panama City) and those folks are the only ones to be seen in hot tubs and heated pools. (Oooh, oh! Evil thoughts entering my sick mind; perhaps if I turn the temp up on the hot tub high enough I can "boil" a few, or like we locals are so fond of saying, "If it's snowbird season how many can I bag?")
"Snowbird" - a subspecies from the American and Ontario provice of Canada. Fond of stealing salt and pepper shakers, packets of sugar and equal, ordering one meal and an extra plate, Academy Award acting skills "Oh, you mean I can get 2 dozen raw oysters on the half shell for only 99 cents,....oh how wonderful I didn't know that!" (Maybe that's because your mind is shot, and you've said the same thing everyday for the past six weeks when you come in strangely only between 5 pm and 6pm when the Oyster special is on!!) Usually of the higher end "senior citizen" level i.e. over 72 years old. Able to do thier own cooking channel show called "Dining for 32 cents a month,...everywhere we go!" or "secrets for free meals"
"Waiter, I hate to bother you, but this fried fish is so greasy it's making me nauseous, I think it may be undercooked or something, do we have to pay for this?"
Waiter Cha-che: "Well of course not the entire thing, I can understand that sir, now, let me see, 96% of the fried fish is eaten, all the salad and breadsticks, oh and there was that second order of crackers and butter, not to mention the half eaten potato that was undercooked as well and you sent back and we replaced with the whole new one, which by the way is also missing from the plate, including it's skin, ...hmmmm, with the adjustment for the Ketchup you mixed with the complimentary four or five glasses of water you asked for during your meal, ah, the tabasco sauce you also threw in with the Ketchup and water, salt and pepper, ....I can adjust your bill by $0.16, and of course that will include the reduction in the meals tax as well. Oh,...and the only favor I would ask is please don't leave the pennies as a tip, the two dimes and the nichol ok, and if you should drop a Quarter in for my attention to the detail of your dining experiance with us I would be most appreciative.
"Thank you waiter,....you've been so kind. Oh one more thing do you have about a dozen of those packets with the moist towelette in it, my fingers feel so greasy and those little things are so tiny!"
"But of course, I'll be right back with your change."
Multiply that scenario by 50 per night and that's snowbird season. And they bug the shit out of me in my job managing property as well.
As God is my judge, yesterday I get a call from one (Ontario province of course) telling me she lost $1.25 in the washing machine and wanted a refund immediately. I explained I would most likely be over on Monday or Tuesday and would give her the money back at that time, nice and friendly, smile in my voice, etc. THEN she says, "And what about last year, I lost another $1.25 last year, and no one gave me a refund, I want that back Monday too!!" (So I have $2.50 in quarters festering in our cat's litter box this weekend and I'll see she gets her $2.50 in quarters back on Monday! Is that prompt and efficient service or what?
And the pool temperature nazi's are all over the place.
"You advertised this pool was heated, and it's not I want a reduction in my rates, we came down here because you said it was heated, I don't want to have to call my attorney about false advertising and a consumer rip-off so you better do something for us!"
"Sir it is heated, we keep the pool at 79 degrees, the acknowledged standard by the American Red Cross for heating pools yet controlling bacterial growth"
"I don't give a shit we want it up to 90 degrees, my wife has arthritis and that makes it feel better."
"That's why we have a hot tub sir, have her try that."
"That little thing is so tiny she can't swim in it, it'll only accomdate four people all sitting still."
" Sir the additional costs of heatin the water to those levels you've indicated are extremely expensive and we can not afford it based on the rates you are paying. In fact sir I would be more than happy to refund your $600 for the remaining two months of your stay with us and give you the opportunity to seek other lodging with wamrer pools."
"What are you a smart ass! I ain't going some where else, the prices at the other places is almost 50% higher than here."
"Then sir I strongly suggest you shut the hell up or I'll turn the heat up so high this place will be the scene of the Coast's largest Boiled dinner and the cannibal "bubba's" from neighboring states will be raving about the spread for years to come! Oh, and have a nice day! :)
Aaaah! I guess I can but dream, but there's only 60 days left until they all fly north again to pester the shit out of thier own families and friends who can't afford to escape and be "troll trainees"
'ave a ruddy nice day, hey what,,....y'all!
Monday, January 15, 2007
"There once was a lass from Nantucket, whose favorite phrase was ....."
Today class we will explore the heretofor infrequently practiced management theory of "Corporate Faith". And GOD NO it doesn't mean trust in Big Brother because sure as hell that is stupid! It does mean(almost a literal biblical translation from "Love one another as I have loved you", in other words; If you ain't got the balls to trust your employees and be the leader for them, then you sure as shit deserve what you get!
Call me naive as I sit here with about $10,000 in investments put away for retirement and a monthly Social Security check for about $1900 when I hit 65, couple that with about $1200 for the wife, and there we are. So what does that have to do with paragraph number one? I believe in Corporate Faith.
As the owner of a company, and everyone can do it, hell I've already got about seven of them under my belt, you have ONLY one objective,...sell the vision of what it can be. That's it. Period. End of "deep meaningful philosophical statement". For if you do your job and sell what it can be for your employees, to them, you will, no make that MUST succeed. At every level. I know because I've done it.
However most business owners don't believe it, they are "profit driven" (old fashion translation "greedy") the attitude is "screw the employee's they are here to simply do what I tell them to do". But you know what, that's not true. Or maybe I am just a crazy old dude who should be put away.
Over the past week I watched my bosses grovel, I mean kiss ass so heavily it was amazing they could still breath, to "save" two accounts that they both know are not the profile of the accounts we want to have, nor the level of income we want, not the type of account that will let us do the job they hired us to do! So why did they do it, ...for the money honey! They have turned down at least six other clients who want to go with us, and at least two that I've brought to them who have said "just do me up a contract, I'll sign it". Why? Beats the shit out of me,...guess I'm not in the "inner circle" enough to be privy to that.
As long as I had businesses (almost twenty-five years worth) I NEVER EVER had an employee leave me to start his/her own business and compete against me. Not once did I ever have an employee quit my company and go to work for a competitor of mine. And to this day I sleep well because I know in my heart I never screwed an employee!
The government, ..sure, that's what the greedy bastards are there for. Shit if they see nothing wrong with paying $700 for a hammer and $1500 for a toilet seat, are they not asking for it! And big companies who overcharge to begin with, under deliver, and in general screw you over, sure,...no qualms of consciensness there at all. But never my people.
An example, when my restaurant business had about two months left before we literally hit the wall I gathered all my people and told them. I thanked them but told them it was not going to turn around, but as Captain of the ship I was riding it to the end, but they should go look for other jobs, and I would give everyone of them a great reccomendation. After a few minutes of quiet my cook raised his hand and said "What if I decide to stay on, what happens?" I told him I would pay him his wages until I had no money left to pay, and I'd let him know that as soon as I did. About ten minutes later they were all back at work like nothing happened. And I did pay everyone of them until the day there wasn't a dime left in the till. It wasn't thier fault, it was mine. I dreamed much bigger than I should have. I had to close a business that legitimately was making a $150,000 profit a year because the set up I designed and built (with no "back door" out) needed a $250,000 a year net profit to live and stay alive. This highlights one of my biggest failings in life, since I was a little kid,... I go for it, I never look for "fall back positions", "back up plans", "alternative methods", "bailouts" etc.
Why? Because that was my job to plan it, execute it, sell it to others, and guide it into greatness. How much passion should you have for something, ...no how about anything, if you are constantly developing "back up plans" and "soft landings" and that sort of thing? If you're planning a "back up" inside you mind knows it ain't gonna work, but I don't have to worry, I got a "back door" (That term by the way comes from people who avoided other folks and bill collectors by running out the "back door" when they came to collect)
I don't know how many people comment on me and my wife being married for 40 years this June! What's the big deal? We both committed to make it succeed, and that means a shitload of hard work, more than anyone's fair share of aggravation, and learning to know each other and most importantly where the "lines in the sand" are drawn.
For example, it should come as no suprise to any of you who know me from my rantings or my picture in the top left of this blog, that I like my guinness. Now there are always varying degrees of "like". Is a day without Guinness a terrible day? You bet your ass! Is a day without a keg of Guinness a bad day,...nope, I'm getting to old for the hangovers, (and besides drinking that much beer I'd never get any sleep from having to get up to pee!) But there is a mid-point, a carefully learned level of "gentle relaxant", and "shit faced" or as we Yanks call it, "a Buzz". (I had to find it because my wife told me if I got stopped by the police there would be no bail, no attorney being called for me, and nothing to give me any hope of less than an ten to twenty years in an eight by ten foot room with "Bubba" and the fear of taking a shower and dropping the soap! Guess that's a pretty clear "Line in the sand"!)
Back on point, most companies don't want to invest in you, they simply want to use you like a ten dollar whore! Tell me I'm wrong! What has your company done of late for you that either the law or the union have not told them they must. (and I'm not talking about the "overtime" they pay you to give up "hours of your life", Think about it.)
If you live to be 75 years old that is 657,000 hours you have on this earth. What do you think you're worth? let's break it down to simple math. that's 8760 hours of your life in a single year, divide what you made last year by that amount, if you made $40,000 that means you are working for $4.57 an hour!! Check the math! So instead of just going home and having a glass of wine and watching my "clone", Elliot, of Law and Order (ok girls, take a number, that's why he's out there and I maintain a quiet life style :)
You are going to make the $4.57 doing that, and a whooping half of that having fun working overtime. Now tie that into a boss who says "thank you" with the same gusto and enthusiasm as the muttered "excuse me" when they bump into someone, and again, think about it.
By the way, I said it before and here it is again. What does the anacronym "Job" really mean? Answer Just Over Broke!
So just how much are you worth? Take what you think you're worth, divide it by 8760 (number of hours in a year) and there you go. Now if you feel bad about this number then divide it by 2180 (number of hours in a standard work week) you should feel better than ever, but gee more than 75% of your time per year on this earth you get paid nothing!! Bummer! But it's your time to have fun and enjoy life, so do that and stop whining, or if you've got a few hours free, get another job! Or even better yet get your own business everyone has value, everyone has worth, the only problem is connecting the dots between them. I can honestly tell you I had no idea what I made per year when I owned my own businesses, and that's the truth, and I'm sure you've heard the old story of the business man whose accountant came to him one day and said, "you know what,...you're a millionaire" It has happened to me twice, but it's only money.
Old Blue Eyes sums it up best;
Ive been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
Ive been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself flat on my face,
I pick myself up and get back in the race.
Get back in the race, but always be the lead horse it beats watching someone else's ass in front of you all the time!
-30-
Call me naive as I sit here with about $10,000 in investments put away for retirement and a monthly Social Security check for about $1900 when I hit 65, couple that with about $1200 for the wife, and there we are. So what does that have to do with paragraph number one? I believe in Corporate Faith.
As the owner of a company, and everyone can do it, hell I've already got about seven of them under my belt, you have ONLY one objective,...sell the vision of what it can be. That's it. Period. End of "deep meaningful philosophical statement". For if you do your job and sell what it can be for your employees, to them, you will, no make that MUST succeed. At every level. I know because I've done it.
However most business owners don't believe it, they are "profit driven" (old fashion translation "greedy") the attitude is "screw the employee's they are here to simply do what I tell them to do". But you know what, that's not true. Or maybe I am just a crazy old dude who should be put away.
Over the past week I watched my bosses grovel, I mean kiss ass so heavily it was amazing they could still breath, to "save" two accounts that they both know are not the profile of the accounts we want to have, nor the level of income we want, not the type of account that will let us do the job they hired us to do! So why did they do it, ...for the money honey! They have turned down at least six other clients who want to go with us, and at least two that I've brought to them who have said "just do me up a contract, I'll sign it". Why? Beats the shit out of me,...guess I'm not in the "inner circle" enough to be privy to that.
As long as I had businesses (almost twenty-five years worth) I NEVER EVER had an employee leave me to start his/her own business and compete against me. Not once did I ever have an employee quit my company and go to work for a competitor of mine. And to this day I sleep well because I know in my heart I never screwed an employee!
The government, ..sure, that's what the greedy bastards are there for. Shit if they see nothing wrong with paying $700 for a hammer and $1500 for a toilet seat, are they not asking for it! And big companies who overcharge to begin with, under deliver, and in general screw you over, sure,...no qualms of consciensness there at all. But never my people.
An example, when my restaurant business had about two months left before we literally hit the wall I gathered all my people and told them. I thanked them but told them it was not going to turn around, but as Captain of the ship I was riding it to the end, but they should go look for other jobs, and I would give everyone of them a great reccomendation. After a few minutes of quiet my cook raised his hand and said "What if I decide to stay on, what happens?" I told him I would pay him his wages until I had no money left to pay, and I'd let him know that as soon as I did. About ten minutes later they were all back at work like nothing happened. And I did pay everyone of them until the day there wasn't a dime left in the till. It wasn't thier fault, it was mine. I dreamed much bigger than I should have. I had to close a business that legitimately was making a $150,000 profit a year because the set up I designed and built (with no "back door" out) needed a $250,000 a year net profit to live and stay alive. This highlights one of my biggest failings in life, since I was a little kid,... I go for it, I never look for "fall back positions", "back up plans", "alternative methods", "bailouts" etc.
Why? Because that was my job to plan it, execute it, sell it to others, and guide it into greatness. How much passion should you have for something, ...no how about anything, if you are constantly developing "back up plans" and "soft landings" and that sort of thing? If you're planning a "back up" inside you mind knows it ain't gonna work, but I don't have to worry, I got a "back door" (That term by the way comes from people who avoided other folks and bill collectors by running out the "back door" when they came to collect)
I don't know how many people comment on me and my wife being married for 40 years this June! What's the big deal? We both committed to make it succeed, and that means a shitload of hard work, more than anyone's fair share of aggravation, and learning to know each other and most importantly where the "lines in the sand" are drawn.
For example, it should come as no suprise to any of you who know me from my rantings or my picture in the top left of this blog, that I like my guinness. Now there are always varying degrees of "like". Is a day without Guinness a terrible day? You bet your ass! Is a day without a keg of Guinness a bad day,...nope, I'm getting to old for the hangovers, (and besides drinking that much beer I'd never get any sleep from having to get up to pee!) But there is a mid-point, a carefully learned level of "gentle relaxant", and "shit faced" or as we Yanks call it, "a Buzz". (I had to find it because my wife told me if I got stopped by the police there would be no bail, no attorney being called for me, and nothing to give me any hope of less than an ten to twenty years in an eight by ten foot room with "Bubba" and the fear of taking a shower and dropping the soap! Guess that's a pretty clear "Line in the sand"!)
Back on point, most companies don't want to invest in you, they simply want to use you like a ten dollar whore! Tell me I'm wrong! What has your company done of late for you that either the law or the union have not told them they must. (and I'm not talking about the "overtime" they pay you to give up "hours of your life", Think about it.)
If you live to be 75 years old that is 657,000 hours you have on this earth. What do you think you're worth? let's break it down to simple math. that's 8760 hours of your life in a single year, divide what you made last year by that amount, if you made $40,000 that means you are working for $4.57 an hour!! Check the math! So instead of just going home and having a glass of wine and watching my "clone", Elliot, of Law and Order (ok girls, take a number, that's why he's out there and I maintain a quiet life style :)
You are going to make the $4.57 doing that, and a whooping half of that having fun working overtime. Now tie that into a boss who says "thank you" with the same gusto and enthusiasm as the muttered "excuse me" when they bump into someone, and again, think about it.
By the way, I said it before and here it is again. What does the anacronym "Job" really mean? Answer Just Over Broke!
So just how much are you worth? Take what you think you're worth, divide it by 8760 (number of hours in a year) and there you go. Now if you feel bad about this number then divide it by 2180 (number of hours in a standard work week) you should feel better than ever, but gee more than 75% of your time per year on this earth you get paid nothing!! Bummer! But it's your time to have fun and enjoy life, so do that and stop whining, or if you've got a few hours free, get another job! Or even better yet get your own business everyone has value, everyone has worth, the only problem is connecting the dots between them. I can honestly tell you I had no idea what I made per year when I owned my own businesses, and that's the truth, and I'm sure you've heard the old story of the business man whose accountant came to him one day and said, "you know what,...you're a millionaire" It has happened to me twice, but it's only money.
Old Blue Eyes sums it up best;
Ive been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
Ive been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself flat on my face,
I pick myself up and get back in the race.
Get back in the race, but always be the lead horse it beats watching someone else's ass in front of you all the time!
-30-
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
"Hey Kid's , what time is it?"
Ok , show me your age!!! If you know the answer to this one youare old as i am, (That's older than dirt!!)
Ok, so it's tuesday, my ass has been the subject of the "corporate grinder" for almost a week now. Out of 11, yup, count'em, 11 Associations I manage, three of then are having "shit fots" with the way I operate, (Duh! Let's talk about "enlightened"!!)
You be the judge, and I know you will factor in "common sense" here.
"Association #1 - "The Nazi's" - These folk's don't have a clue what my job is. They want six hour, monthly Board of Directors Meetings! If you can't run a community Association with less than a two hour meeting every three months,...well SHIT, you belong on Mars, sorting out the sheets for the first colonization ship to arrive!. These guys want me to be "the Sheriff" , writing tickets for leaving you trash can out after the allotted 12 hours, letting you front lawn get more than the prescribed 2" in height, not re-painting your house when THEY think you should. Hello, welcome to America and the rights of the individual. The strongest way of getting your neighbors to comply is simply walking up and knocking on their door and making you case, not sending them "violaton letters" and theatening $100 a day fines to the $1,000 State maximum!
"Association #2" - "The Hippies" - Essentially, "this place looks like shit, why haven't you put in new shrubs, more decorative flowers, painted the stairways, re-placed all the rotting deck boards,...etc. (ad Nauseum!)" I guess this one's the group i need permission to have a half dozen Guinness's before talking too! Let me see now if I can answer these questions, intelligently, succinctly, accurately, specifically, and correctly,...ready? Ok, here we go..."because you M**her F***ers are freaking broke,...no money to pay for it, ...shit out of Lira, Peso's, Rupee's or any other means of "trade exchange" known to the modern world! (And NO, I ain;t interested in the "Whimpy" currency philosophy, ("I'll gladly pay you Monday for a hamburger today.").
"Association #3 - "The Asshole" - "I don't care if the budget called for me to expend $75,000 and you only spent $63,000 because of your diligence and personal intervention to save me the $12,000. Who gave you that right? I'm firing you!!" (Nuff said, I acccept the fact that God screwed up and gave the Life Guard on the gene pool the month off!)
But I live to fight another day,...and may the force be with me!
Is it me, or is the entire world going to hell in the handbasket with a silly grin and an "It's not my fault" attitude?"
This is a cracker of a column, so to finish it off, and give the "young'un's" a chance at naming a winner to my "lyrics of the ages" contest, here you go;
Who sang this line, "Ground control to Major Tom!"
May the Guinness you drink be kind to you,
May your mates who "skull a pint" with you be blessed,
And may you wake up tomorrow with neither bogging you down,
causing you a headache, or thinking the "scored" while you slept.
(Ok, lame poem, but what the hell may we "cuddle" freely, love "mightily", and cherish each other forever!)
(Thank's Lucy, I never referred to it as "cuddling", but it worked for my wife and I for 40 years! And it's great fun as well, starts my day better than orange juice!)
-30-
Ok, so it's tuesday, my ass has been the subject of the "corporate grinder" for almost a week now. Out of 11, yup, count'em, 11 Associations I manage, three of then are having "shit fots" with the way I operate, (Duh! Let's talk about "enlightened"!!)
You be the judge, and I know you will factor in "common sense" here.
"Association #1 - "The Nazi's" - These folk's don't have a clue what my job is. They want six hour, monthly Board of Directors Meetings! If you can't run a community Association with less than a two hour meeting every three months,...well SHIT, you belong on Mars, sorting out the sheets for the first colonization ship to arrive!. These guys want me to be "the Sheriff" , writing tickets for leaving you trash can out after the allotted 12 hours, letting you front lawn get more than the prescribed 2" in height, not re-painting your house when THEY think you should. Hello, welcome to America and the rights of the individual. The strongest way of getting your neighbors to comply is simply walking up and knocking on their door and making you case, not sending them "violaton letters" and theatening $100 a day fines to the $1,000 State maximum!
"Association #2" - "The Hippies" - Essentially, "this place looks like shit, why haven't you put in new shrubs, more decorative flowers, painted the stairways, re-placed all the rotting deck boards,...etc. (ad Nauseum!)" I guess this one's the group i need permission to have a half dozen Guinness's before talking too! Let me see now if I can answer these questions, intelligently, succinctly, accurately, specifically, and correctly,...ready? Ok, here we go..."because you M**her F***ers are freaking broke,...no money to pay for it, ...shit out of Lira, Peso's, Rupee's or any other means of "trade exchange" known to the modern world! (And NO, I ain;t interested in the "Whimpy" currency philosophy, ("I'll gladly pay you Monday for a hamburger today.").
"Association #3 - "The Asshole" - "I don't care if the budget called for me to expend $75,000 and you only spent $63,000 because of your diligence and personal intervention to save me the $12,000. Who gave you that right? I'm firing you!!" (Nuff said, I acccept the fact that God screwed up and gave the Life Guard on the gene pool the month off!)
But I live to fight another day,...and may the force be with me!
Is it me, or is the entire world going to hell in the handbasket with a silly grin and an "It's not my fault" attitude?"
This is a cracker of a column, so to finish it off, and give the "young'un's" a chance at naming a winner to my "lyrics of the ages" contest, here you go;
Who sang this line, "Ground control to Major Tom!"
May the Guinness you drink be kind to you,
May your mates who "skull a pint" with you be blessed,
And may you wake up tomorrow with neither bogging you down,
causing you a headache, or thinking the "scored" while you slept.
(Ok, lame poem, but what the hell may we "cuddle" freely, love "mightily", and cherish each other forever!)
(Thank's Lucy, I never referred to it as "cuddling", but it worked for my wife and I for 40 years! And it's great fun as well, starts my day better than orange juice!)
-30-
Friday, January 05, 2007
"Bad idea, good execution!"
This title means absolutely nothing! I was just sitting here getting ready to write and tha's what came to mind,...so that's what it is!
If I really thought about it I would have done something clever and topical like, "It's cryin' time again,..." (And that would be because we Americans just entered more than a "New Year", we've just entered "tax prison". You see some bright person once sat down and figured out that for us, the folks who threw the tea in Boston Harbor, the folks who coined the phrase, "taxation without representation is tyranny", the folks who fought and defeated the English Crown for independance, the folks who created the nation where "All men are created equal,...", and of course the nation that grants a person the absolute right to "the pursuit of happiness",.....well they sat down and said "Hmmm, if I am to pay my taxes to the Internal Revenue Service,...and I sent them every penny I made, beginning January 1st of every year, then when would my "tax freedom day" occur? The Day to celebrate that my entire earnings thus far for the year had completely paid my taxes for the year.
I think the last time I tracked this depressing date, or as Franklin D. Roosevelt once called another onerous date, "a date that will live in infamy", it was somewhere in the month of April. In fact, hold that thought, I'll pop over and ask Google,...be right back! Yup, it was April 6th last year.
OK, now I'm really pissed off at my fellow citizens!! I found a little chart showing the annual "tax freedom" date for the past fifty years, and guess what? Every time the Democrats are in power in this country that date starts sliding later and later in the year! We have to pay more taxes, before we are earning money for ourselves! That sucks!!
Yet if you contrast the Republican management of this country against the "Tax freedom " date GEE! They match up perfectly for the lowest points, or dates. While a lot of folks thought Bill Clinton was "feeling our pain", the SOB was increasing our pain. Tax Freedom date got further away EVERY YEAR he governed!
Sorry this one is a short one, It's time to saddle up and head out to check some of my properties and try and get back to the office by 8:30 a.m.
If I really thought about it I would have done something clever and topical like, "It's cryin' time again,..." (And that would be because we Americans just entered more than a "New Year", we've just entered "tax prison". You see some bright person once sat down and figured out that for us, the folks who threw the tea in Boston Harbor, the folks who coined the phrase, "taxation without representation is tyranny", the folks who fought and defeated the English Crown for independance, the folks who created the nation where "All men are created equal,...", and of course the nation that grants a person the absolute right to "the pursuit of happiness",.....well they sat down and said "Hmmm, if I am to pay my taxes to the Internal Revenue Service,...and I sent them every penny I made, beginning January 1st of every year, then when would my "tax freedom day" occur? The Day to celebrate that my entire earnings thus far for the year had completely paid my taxes for the year.
I think the last time I tracked this depressing date, or as Franklin D. Roosevelt once called another onerous date, "a date that will live in infamy", it was somewhere in the month of April. In fact, hold that thought, I'll pop over and ask Google,...be right back! Yup, it was April 6th last year.
OK, now I'm really pissed off at my fellow citizens!! I found a little chart showing the annual "tax freedom" date for the past fifty years, and guess what? Every time the Democrats are in power in this country that date starts sliding later and later in the year! We have to pay more taxes, before we are earning money for ourselves! That sucks!!
Yet if you contrast the Republican management of this country against the "Tax freedom " date GEE! They match up perfectly for the lowest points, or dates. While a lot of folks thought Bill Clinton was "feeling our pain", the SOB was increasing our pain. Tax Freedom date got further away EVERY YEAR he governed!
Sorry this one is a short one, It's time to saddle up and head out to check some of my properties and try and get back to the office by 8:30 a.m.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Two in one day! (Does that make me "prolific"?)
At 62 one of my tenants in life has been, is, and will forever be, the raw fact that you can learn a lot of things every day, and some are more "memorable " than others, but all are an advancement of mankind. (Unless you are a woman then I guess it's "womenkind".)
But here's a challenge for all my American readers and friends; who wrote the original "Pledge of Allegience"?
And for those who think they know what the Pledge is, then here is the original version from the 1890's;
""I pledge allegiance to my Flag and to* the Republic for which it stands, one nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all"
(* 'to' added in October 1892). "
Any takers?
-30-
But here's a challenge for all my American readers and friends; who wrote the original "Pledge of Allegience"?
And for those who think they know what the Pledge is, then here is the original version from the 1890's;
""I pledge allegiance to my Flag and to* the Republic for which it stands, one nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all"
(* 'to' added in October 1892). "
Any takers?
-30-
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