Phase 5 - "Hot damn,...I'm still here! Are you awake honey?"

This one is a stretch for anyone who is not there yet. So it's perhaps more hopeful, or maybe the reverse, of what it really will be, but for you, dear readers, I will try.

Now back to today, Phase 5 - "Hot damn,...I'm still here! Are you awake Honey?"
Humor, inject more humor, life is fun!
It's like the guy who goes to the rest home to visit his Dad, who is 97 and asks the nurse how he's doing, and if there are any new "meds" (medicines) he's taking. She looks at the chart and says "Nothing but the Viagra his Doctor started him on last week. The guy immediatly goes nuts! "What? are you crazy, putting a 97 year old man on Viagra? His heart couldn't take it!"
The nurse smiles and says" You don't understand the Viagra works fine and keeps him from rolling over and falling out of bed and getting hurt, we give it to all the older men."

As I go through life I wonder more about this phase than any other. This is the phase that is internalized more than you'll ever know now. It's the Phase that is characterized by the questions. The ones you never want to ask, let alone know the answers to them.
For example, "Am I here by myself, and where is my "soul mate"? And after all these years can I do for myself any more or just become a burden on others? Where are those who should be visiting me, or do they expect me to buy a Harley and run over to thier place? What is there to eat, it all tastes the same now. And either there is something wrong with me and they are not telling me, or I'm just like a worn out tire and will just keep being til I finally just burst or go flat for the final time and I can't be patched anymore.

Is waking up every day really a whole day, sometimes it's in the middle of the night sometimes it's the middle of the afternoon, who knows anymore,...am I really happy I'm still here?

My "soulmate" is either gone or they won't tell me what's happening to her, I never see her anymore, I never get to hold her anymore, I never even get to touch her hand, or her face, or her hair. Where is she?

Was the sun out yesterday?

How long am I going to be here God?

Time for another nap,...................


Post Script:

Oh shit! Just had a dumb thought. Many of you who read this are probably much younger than I (62), except you Doug, but I won't tell. So when I get to Phase 6 of life the, "The End", how will you know, not that it will matter to me then. But I suppose somewhere in my little ego there are several cells vibrating and saying, "Gee, I hope they do know,...and I hope they at least cared."
So here's the drill. If I "Go" you will know because a month will go by without a single rant, rave, or other "blog". I will write a note for my wife, my kids, or whomever and tell them exactly how to open my computer, open my "blog", enter the proper code word and passwords, and then instruct them that they are to simply write a one line entry and hit "publish". Here is the entry I'll never see, and I hope you don't either, for another 40 years or so;

".....and so he goes."
-30-
Mr. Guinness

(Maybe you can spare a minute and reply, tell my wife, my kids, or whomever just write them "He loved you too,...and so it goes." Thank you.)